We are so glad to meet you

My sweet Shaiya,

It has been one month since your birth, my little man, and everyday I wake up with the intentions of writing your very special birth story down and between nursing you, cooing and ooing at you, changing you and putting you to sleep, I find I only have time to take a 5-minute shower and throw something down my throat and then you are back up again ready to nurse all over again. Being an Imma to you has been beyond the most powerful thing that has happened to me. You sit here all wrapped up in a sling snuggled up to my body and the love I feel for you is the deepest I have ever felt. I love how your hands are always reached up to your forehead, how you make that poutey face with your lips when you are about to cry and how you stretch your body every time you wake up from a good nap. I love getting to know you every minute.

So, my little Shaiya, I want to tell you the story of your birth. It is such a deep and miraculous story. It all began at 2:30AM on a Friday evening. Abba and I were spending Shabbat of Sukkot at Tali and Josh’s. We almost spent chag at home alone just in case I went into labor but we were so glad that we were where we were when I labor began. So, it was 2:30 in the morning and I woke up with what felt exactly like period cramps. I was able to sleep through a few of them but then they began to feel very uncomfortable. Abba was sleeping in the sukkah with Josh and Anava so he didn’t know a thing about my labor until 7 in the morning when he woke up. So, feeling very crampy, I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of white wine to help me go back to sleep. By the way, Abba and I really believed you were going to be born the second or third day of Chol Hamoed Sukkot. We totally thought that we were going to go to a festival at the Moshav where Abba was going to play music, hang out, then go home, take a good nap and wake up and give birth to you!! G-d clearly had different plans and wanted you to be born the first day of Chol Hamoed Sukkot and I am glad because I so much wanted to meet you already. So, when I went in to labor at 2:30AM I really did not believe it was labor. Tali woke up from hearing me in the kitchen and came out to check on me. She also thought that this was pre-labor stuff and that I probably still had a while before I would go in to “real” labor. For the next few hours I went back and forth between bed and walking around to try to find a comfortable position for myself. I soon realized that this was the real thing because no position was really comfortable. When Abba woke up Josh filled him in on what was going on and he went straight to the room I was sleeping in. He saw me there laboring in bed, moaning with each contraction to ease the cramp, and he immediately began to cry. He knew we would be meeting you soon.

Shortly after, Abba called Shayne, our incredible midwife, to let her know what was happening and to see if there was anything we should do. She told Abba to just keep track of how long and how far apart the contractions were and to call her again if there were any major changes in my labor. We spoke with Shayne many times in the next few hours as I labored about the house, playing with Ro’i Chen in the Sukkah, laughing and hanging out with Tali and showing the local moshav kids what it looks like and feels like to be in labor. I was so surprised how normal and good I felt between contractions. I was 100% myself once the contraction passed and even in contractions I felt like I totally got my groove with each rush. All the childbirth classes we took with my good friend Sarah really helped me to understand why my body was doing what it was doing and that it was a good thing.

By 2PM my labor picked up and we put one more call in to Shayne to let her know what was going on. She told us that the time has come to pack up and head home and that she would meet us there in about an hour and a half. It was at this point, Shaiya Tzedek, that I understood that I was truly in labor and that I was going to meet my “lulu” soon. So, Abba, Tali and I packed up and jumped in to the car. Anava was so cute. She was trying to convince us to take her with us so she could be there for your birth. The truth is she probably would have been very helpful. Driving on Shabbat was incredibly powerful. Abba kept on saying, “Wow, we have never seen this piece of land on Shabbat before. Wow, we have never seen this part of our moshav before.” There was something totally unique about seeing how powerful labor and birth is that we could even do things on Shabbat that you normally would not do in order to help the laboring woman feel comfortable and safe.

As we parked in front of our house and walked to the door I remember feeling a wave of ease come over me. Home. We were home and here we, G-d willing, would give birth to you. There was something about seeing the house that made me really ready to get down to business and help bring you down in to this world. When we got in to the house I immediately went in to the shower. What an amazing place to be. I must have been in that shower for hours. While I was letting the hot water relax my muscles, Shayne arrived and popped her head in to the shower to say hello. We gave one another a big hug. Knowing that Shayne was now with us was like waiting for your Imma to come home and then feeling so happy when she finally does. I remember Abba saying how excited he was to see Shayne in birth action after so many 3 hour-long prenatal meetings we had with her. She shined beyond what I could ever want in a midwife.

After I got out of the shower Shayne told me she wanted to check me to see how far along I was. After she checked me she asked if I wanted to know how dilated I was. I was 8 centimeters dilated!!! Holy moly!! I felt on top of the world. Labor was moving and grooving and I felt so connected to every contraction. It did not feel hard. It did not feel outside of who I am. Shayne told me to get dressed and, in order to change the pace a little bit, suggested that Abba and I go outside for a walk while she set up the birthing tub. I quickly got on my tie-dye tank top, orange hoodey sweatshirt, grey pants and green techil. I was one colorful pregnant woman! Abba and I then went outside to spend some time together alone, the last time that we would be just the two of us before you came in to the world. We went outside and the weather and sky were incredible, very similar actually to our wedding day. The clouds were moving and the sun was just slightly peeking out. Tali was in the Sukkah reading some of my birth books.

Abba and I did not make it so far on our walk because I was having contraction after contraction and it was the only day when our very quiet moshav decided to become very happening. Every one was outside playing and taking walks and I just did not want to have contractions in front of them. After some fresh air Abba and I went inside to our birthing pool.

The birthing pool was a major section of your labor Shaiya. Every time Abba and I give you a bath you seem mellow and happy. I really think that it has a lot to do with the fact that the majority of my labor with you was in the shower or the birthing pool. The second I got in to the pool I knew I wanted to stay here for a while. In fact, once I got in to the pool my labor began to slow down and maybe that was why. The labor room was lit with candles and the string of herbs and spices that my women friends made me at my birthing way gathering hung right above the pool. This room was oozing birth. As I immersed into the pool Shayne poured hot water on my back. Everyone told me that I looked like I was blissed out. It felt so good. Shayne then put etrog oil in to the pool for Sukkot. I labored in that pool for hours. While I was laboring, Tali, Shayne and Abba would take turns being with me and joining my moaning like a chant, holding my hand or just being present.

Outside of the room Abba would play music for us. He played the guitar and he played a lot of drums. At one point he was drumming while the rest of us were moaning together. It sounded a tribal chant. A few hours into being in the pool Abby called. I had called her to come on Shabbat but she had not gotten the message until after. She asked Shayne if she should come and Shayne said that she probably would not make it for the birth but she could come anyway. Abby jumped into her car and drove from her house in Zichron Yacov to us in Bar Giyora. Because I loved the birthing pool so much, I was still there laboring away when Abby came. When Abby arrived she immediately came over to the birthing pool and took my hands. I looked up at her and smiled and then told her that her hands were too cold and her breathe smelled like garlic and that she needed to warm her hands and brush her teeth. It was then that I realized why I chose the people I chose to be part of the birth team. Every person; Abba, Tali, Abby and Shayne, I felt comfortable with to tell them the truth and to tell them what I needed and was not fearful that they would get offended. They were all there for me and they did not let their egos get in the way. I was very blessed to have them with me.

So for some time longer I stayed in the pool moaning and closing my eyes through every contraction and then hanging out and laughing with everyone in between the rushes. Shayne taught me to blow bubbles in the water during the contractions. It helped me breathe properly and helped me focus on something else during the deep rushes. It was like I was 5 years old again learning how to swim on the edge of the pool. Eventually I realized that you were having a hard time coming down without the gravity of land. Shayne suggested I get out of the tub and try the birthing stool for a few contractions. What I really respect about Shayne as a midwife is that she never told me what to do or how to birth but suggested ideas to me if something looked like it was not working. So, off I went to the birthing stool and that is where my water broke and that is where labor and birth really began to speed up. Within the next hour you were born.

After my water broke (which splashed Shayne significantly!) I decided to go back into the pool for a little bit. I needed the rest. I needed the strength of the water. I needed to decide if I was going to birth you in the pool or on the birthing stool. Then Abby asked me if I wanted Abba to say havdalah while I was in the pool. Abba came in the room with the havdalah candle, spices, wine and guitar. I have to say Shaiya, that it was the most powerful havdalah I have ever been a part of. The birthing room had been lit with candles the entire labor but I did not see the light until the light of the havdalah candle entered the room. It was one of the first times that I physically noticed every single one of my birth partners in the same room together. I can still smell the smell of the spices and the smell of labor in that room. It was really incredible.

Soon after havdalah I decided to move back to the birthing stool. The birthing stool hurt a lot but I knew it was the only way to bring you down. I knew that I was tired of waiting so I needed to do everything and anything to push you into the world. There was a wave of sadness that came through me to not have you living and moving around in my body anymore but the wave of happiness to finally get to meet you won, and it seems that you were ready to meet us! I have no idea how long I was pushing for before your head came out and very soon after that your long little body. All I remember is Abby saying “Okay, I am putting “Lulu’s” birthday cake in the oven. When ever he comes it will be ready for him.” And I remember someone getting the big mirror from our bathroom to show me your head coming down and out. And I remember Shayne telling me to feel your head coming out. So much was happening very quickly. If I close my eyes I can still feel the feeling of you being pushed through my body and I can remember thinking “I am about to meet my baby and become an Imma.” It is so crazy that one minute I was a pregnant woman without a child and the next minute I am no longer pregnant but an Imma.

The second you were born Shayne caught you and brought you straight in to my arms. You were so long, skinny and slippery that I had a hard time keeping you in my arms. For a few seconds we were just so excited to meet you we forgot to see if you were a little boy Lulu or a little girl Lulu. I did a quick check and announced, “We have a boy!” You did not cry. Most people get freaked out when I tell them that. They say, “Weren’t you scared that something was wrong?” I was not scared for a second. Thank G-d you were healthy as can be and you were so aware looking around and checking out this new place in which you landed. In fact, you did not cry until 2:30AM, four hours after your birth and the same time I went in to labor with you 24 hours earlier. Shayne said that you did not cry because there was nothing to cry about. You were born in the most gentle way possible surrounded by people who love you and an environment that was mellow and warm. After a few minutes, Shayne moved me to the couch next to the pool and I got to cuddle with you for a few minutes until I was sent off to the shower to rinse off from birth. While I was showering you got to have good bonding time with your Abba. I remember looking over at Abba and seeing him in all white (he was still dressed in his Shabbat clothes) with blood stains on his clothes just staring into your eyes. He looked like he had been waiting for that moment for his entire life. He probably was.

The rest is a bit of a blur. Every one was running around the house cleaning up, taking care of me and you and getting everything back in order. Tali and Abby left exhausted and ready for a long nights sleep. (Did I tell you that your aunt Tali was 7 months pregnant with your cousin while she helped with labor and birth? She was amazing.) Shayne stayed for a bit longer getting things cleaned up, cut the cord off of the placenta and then around 2:00AM said she had to go because she was heading to another birth up north. I was in shock. What an amazing woman! She had been laboring and birthing and after birthing with us for 11 hours and now she was going to stand by another woman’s side at 2AM. She is a true angel. At 2:15AM Shayne left and the three of us were alone for the first time, just you, me and Abba. This story is truly the story of the start of our cute little family. The three of us rested in our lavender colored bedroom and we could not take our eyes off of you.

Abba and I realized that it was getting really late and that we probably should get some sleep because now we have a new little baby to take care of. What we did not know is that you were going to sleep the whole next day! What a miracle to have you right next to meet as we shared our first sleep together. Shaiya, I loved having you inside of me. Thank G-d I enjoyed such a healthy and perfect pregnancy with you and enjoyed every kick and move you made but to have you outside right next to me…that is a taste of heaven…

Shaiya, mine and Abba’s blessing for you in your life is to really have a life filled with stories like your birth story. They should be stories and experiences that are powerful and deep, stories that are filled with people who surround you with so much love and support. May your life be filled with rushes and pains that bring you to a real place for yourself and a real deep connection to the One up above. May you have challenges that you overcome and see how courageous you truly are. And of course, all your stories should have the deepest feeling of happiness that we feel having you in our lives. Thank you for being born. We are so glad to meet you. We are so in love with you.

Love,
Your honored Imma

Tamar Field-Gersh