with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers

What if the way you prepare for birth could also prepare you for a lifetime of deeper intimacy, healing, and connection—not just for you, but for your children? In a recent Orgasmic Birth episode, Debra Pascali‑Bonaro sits down with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers to explore how our birth preparation can become the beginning of raising shame‑free, confident children.

Pregnancy: When old shame stories surface

Pregnancy changes our bodies from the moment we conceive, yet most of us were never given comprehensive, shame‑free education about bodies, emotions, or relationships. Dr. Tina notes that we live in a culture that profits when we feel “not good enough,” especially in female‑identified bodies, and those messages seep in early. Research she cites shows that about half of 6‑year‑old girls, two‑thirds of 9‑year‑olds, and 90% of 15‑year‑old girls are already modifying their diets because they’ve learned their bodies aren’t acceptable. These painful beliefs often resurface in pregnancy as we navigate changing shapes, lost waists, and questions like, “Can I see myself as sexy, desirable, and worthy of pleasure while pregnant?”

At the same time, many of us experience a deep sense of awe: we are growing a human, a being who has never existed before. Dr. Tina invites us to hold both truths—that our culture has shamed our bodies, and that pregnancy is a profound, sacred capacity—and to remember that there has never been a human like the baby we’re carrying, and never been a human like us either.

The power of pleasure in birth and bonding

Debra and Dr. Tina share a vision of birth that includes pleasure, not just pain management. The same five senses that allow us to feel sexual pleasure can support us in labor: what we see, hear, smell, taste, and feel can all be oriented toward comfort, oxytocin, and connection. Debra’s work in Pleasurable Birth Essentials and the Orgasmic Birth approach highlights how pleasure practices in pregnancy make it easier to access those tools during labor.

Dr. Tina emphasizes that doing the inner work around shame and pleasure during pregnancy affects how we feel about delivery and how we embrace our newborn. When we start releasing shame and reclaiming pleasure, we’re more able to welcome our baby with curiosity and delight, honoring their uniqueness and our own.

One first step: reparenting yourself

Many listeners ask, “Where do I even begin if I’ve carried shame all my life and now I’m pregnant?” Dr. Tina points to her book Shameless Parenting: Everything You Need to Raise Shame‑Free, Confident Kids and Heal Your Shame Too as a practical starting place. The book is organized by developmental stages—from birth to two, two to four, four to six, and beyond—and outlines: behavioral tasks kids are working on, emotional tasks, likely body and relational curiosities, and concrete language and responses parents can use.

Surprisingly, many adults without children have used the book to reparent themselves. They read the sections for each age, explore reflective questions like “How would it be for me to witness a joyful toddler discovering their genitals in the bath?” and then give their younger selves the compassionate responses and accurate information they never received. Over time, people report feeling shame “drip off,” realizing that many of the messages they internalized were never truly theirs—they were inherited from families, churches, and systems steeped in fear and control.

Postpartum: A year (or more) of becoming

Postpartum, Dr. Tina reminds us, is not just a few weeks—it’s at least a year of physiological recovery and identity transformation. Fatigue, sleep deprivation, lactation, and the constant demands of an infant needing 24‑hour care make it harder to access desire, self‑care, and sexual connection, especially when our culture bombards new parents with “bounce back” expectations. She encourages parents to: acknowledge that postpartum is a long‑term healing process, build a support team—postpartum doulas, community, and “wise elder women”—who can normalize the chaos and beauty, and literally schedule “care for me” into each week, even in small pockets.

Naming our needs in postpartum is also a powerful act of de‑shaming. We learn to hold the truth that our baby’s needs matter and our needs matter, and that we deserve rest, touch, and pleasure in ways that feel safe and nourishing in this season.

Redefining sexuality and healing religious shame

For those raised in authoritarian homes or conservative religious environments, sexual shame may feel especially heavy. For them, Dr. Tina recommends her first book, Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy. The book traces how religious purity movements, patriarchal theology, and sex‑negative teachings have distorted our understanding of sexuality, and offers a path toward integrating spiritual life with joyful, embodied intimacy.

Crucially, she defines sexuality not as a narrow set of sexual behaviors, but as “how we share connection and pleasure with someone we care about.” If an experience doesn’t deepen connection and shared pleasure, she invites us to examine it. Too many people, she notes, are having transactional sexual experiences where they do what someone else wants and silence their own desires, leaving their hearts and souls outside the room. Healing means reclaiming sexuality as a divine gift of connection, joy, and mutual delight.

Dr. Tina also founded Inanna Rising, a membership community supporting psychedelic‑assisted therapists and medical providers who are integrating mind, body, and spirit in their healing work. While this is a separate strand of her work, it springs from the same commitment: helping people release trauma and shame so they can live fuller, freer lives.

Accessible support for your journey

One of the most touching parts of this episode is Dr. Tina’s commitment to accessibility. She shares that if you look up her books and cannot afford them, you can DM her on Instagram (@drtinashameless) and she will send a promo code for an audio version, as she doesn’t want cost to be a barrier for anyone doing this healing work.

If you’re pregnant or planning birth, consider pairing her books and resources with Debra’s Pleasurable Birth Essentials online course, which offers five sensual modules on pregnancy, labor, sexuality, and postpartum, plus pleasure practices, comfort measures, and inspiring stories designed to awaken your body’s “pleasure intelligence.”

By tending to your own shame, reclaiming pleasure, and surrounding yourself with wise support, you’re not just preparing for birth. You’re re‑writing generational stories and giving your children a radically different, more compassionate foundation for their bodies, hearts, and sexuality.