Birth Story of Deniz

by Elgin

Note from Orgasmic Birth: We honor every birth story and every person’s birth choices.  Birthing a baby requires you to make personal choices for yourself and your baby to enter the world safely with respect and love. While I personally recommend birth with skilled caregivers, midwives, nurses, and doctors, we honor it’s every person’s right to choose to have their baby where and with whom they feel safe.  Sharing birth stories is an important way to pass along birthing knowledge and wisdom. By sharing a wide variety of birth stories we are not offering our endorsement nor providing information that replaces medical care and advice.

When I learned that I was pregnant to my second child the first thing that came to mind was “How am I going to give birth this time?”. My first birth although being quick and healthy was still a hospital birth and I felt very far from good during the whole process.

This time l was going to create the birth that my heart was longing for – an unassisted home lotus birth. I educated myself throughout my pregnancy, unlearned the wrong information l had about birth and pregnancy. Yoga, swimming and my unassisted pregnancy and childbirth social media groups had been my best friends. Most part of family and friends thought I gone crazy yet l knew very well what l was doing. Although it was hard to get negative feedback from my surrounding during such a sensitive period l was proud of myself to have the courage to do what my heart was calling for, the best for myself and my family. I can’t explain how grateful l am to my husband who trusted me so much, he was my best supporter. I went unassisted through my pregnancy after week 8 and this was a perfect way to prepare for our beautiful frebirth. It helped me to learn connecting with my body, baby and intuition rather than depending on other methods that are outside of me and not even proven to be safe. Pregnancy and birth is mine and baby’s, this time l owned them.

Birth Story of Deniz

When I learned that I was pregnant to my second child the first thing that came to mind was “How am I going to give birth this time?”. My first birth although being quick and healthy was still a hospital birth and I felt very far from good during the whole process.

This time l was going to create the birth that my heart was longing for – an unassisted home lotus birth. I educated myself throughout my pregnancy, unlearned the wrong information l had about birth and pregnancy. Yoga, swimming and my unassisted pregnancy and childbirth social media groups had been my best friends. Most part of family and friends thought I gone crazy yet l knew very well what l was doing. Although it was hard to get negative feedback from my surrounding during such a sensitive period l was proud of myself to have the courage to do what my heart was calling for, the best for myself and my family. I can’t explain how grateful l am to my husband who trusted me so much, he was my best supporter. I went unassisted through my pregnancy after week 8 and this was a perfect way to prepare for our beautiful frebirth. It helped me to learn connecting with my body, baby and intuition rather than depending on other methods that are outside of me and not even proven to be safe. Pregnancy and birth is mine and baby’s, this time l owned them.

"My son seeing him massaging me came to massage me - l was so so delighted of having my two loves supporting me that at a point the surges were totally painless and they even turned to be pleasurable. I was filled with gratitude and unconditional love."

I loved the sensation of my water breaking. It was the first time it naturally occurred and this was very precious to me, its smell, its clear color. This was the birth coming the way l finally had the courage to create and cherished every part of it.  After my waters broke the surges were 5 minutes apart. I was at home with my husband, 3 year old son and my mother. We prepared the living room which was going to be my birth area. We used very soft lighting, candles, diffused lavender oil, burned candles and listened to my birth playlist.  My mother was playing with my son as my husband was supporting me both emotionally and physically. We have never talked about him being so much involved in my birth before,when the surges came he directly started to massage me and I loved it. We had never practiced it, never even talked about it but he did it like a pro. It really made me feel loved and supported. My son seeing him massaging me came too to massage me l was so so delighted of having my two loves supporting me that at a point the surges were totally painless and they even turned to be pleasurable. I was filled with gratitude and unconditional love. I was moving and breathing through each surge as my son was hugging and caressing my back and my husband was massaging me. I was in a trance like state, especially when l did the spiraling movement through the surges. I felt that intense energy of creation and destruction in the same time. I felt that for every creation there is destruction but destruction is just a movement, it is only energy changing form. And in the middle of all of this there is sexual energy. I felt sexual energy at its purest form, reminding me how life is sacred and pleasurable when we let it flow. Around 8:30 pm my mother put my son to sleep and l was only with my husband. I cried both out of happiness and out of sadness. I was so grateful for the birth and how smooth it was going and I was sad at the same time remembering my first birth. Letting myself do what I have to do, listening to my body and intuition was so rewarding. I intuitively breathed and moved through each surge and although they were not always easy to handle, feeling the wisdom of my body was so empowering.

"My son seeing him massaging me came to massage me - l was so so delighted of having my two loves supporting me that at a point the surges were totally painless and they even turned to be pleasurable. I was filled with gratitude and unconditional love."

Surges got much stronger and l really needed to focus to my body and breath. My surges were not regular, when l asked about it to my body l understood it was our own way to take breaks and each surge had a different character and purpose. There was a time where l felt like birth was not progressing. I reached out to feel what l think was a cervical lip and l felt the head of baby behind it. I knew l should be patient, l knew my body was already  doing perfectly on its own way. When l felt insecure I checked baby intuitively and l immediately knew that everything was going perfectly.

There was a time when l had more fear and more pain, l started to doubt myself, which made me understand that l was in transition. Moving and massages were not helping anymore. When it got very hard l told it to my husband and his support and encouragements were very helpful. I continued to focus on breathing. Breath has always been one of my best friend through contractions,  I breathed very deeply and very quickly through each surge, Although I had learned hypnobirthing techniques I found that my own intuitional way of breathing much more satisfying in both pain and emotional management. Along with this the best that worked for me was surrendering to my body and pain. When l succeeded to surrender to pain instead of running from it, l felt it different and it was much more manageable. It instantly made me remember that surges are there for my and baby’s good, embracing them was beautiful and empowering.  When l did this the FER [fetal ejection reflex] kicked in and my body started to push. I just slightly and gently helped my body push baby out. I was on hand and knees position. I “moared” (the only word l could think of for a sound between roaring and moaning) my baby out while l heard my husband’s delighted exclamations “his head is out, oh his hands, oh my baby” . Hearing his delighted voice helped me to get baby in just one big push. I loved that part, l had almost no ring of fire and l really liked the feeling of my baby passing through the canal and getting out. It felt primal,  powerful, no word can describe how healing this felt. Husband catched baby, baby was pink and started to cry right away. I took baby from him, hugged him and checked his gender to see he was a boy it took 4:45 hours from the waters breaking to my baby getting out. l soon put him to breast.

I "moared" (the only word l could think of for a sound between roaring and moaning) my baby out while l heard my husband's delighted exclamations "his head is out, oh his hands, oh my baby"

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My placenta came 3 or 4 hours later. I knew placenta was detached and l had no more contraction. I was really tired and l didn’t feel like doing any more effort to get it out with my baby in my hands and still attached to the placenta, l wanted to gently pull it out but l wasn’t sure if this would be right to do it, l didn’t want to clamp the cord either.  I asked my husband to call his sister who is an OBgyn to ask her if she has any advice. She advised the same thing. I started to very gently pull the cord but l wasn’t very enthusiastic doing it, l just wanted to have rest. My husband got up to wash his hands and he started to do it for me. That moment was such a powerful one for us. I really wanted that placenta to be out and seeing my husband doing this so delicately, with such confidence felt magical to me. We were sharing birth so much, that in fact, we gave birth together. When placenta was out l felt a huge relief, it felt like the relaxation I would have after a huge wonderful orgasm. Feeling the blood flowing out was interestingly satisfying. We put the placenta into a bowl and we loved to look at it and the blood it was releasing. Words can only be a mere reflection of the whole experience,  birth is so precious with its every aspect.

One day later, we felt ready to separate baby and placenta. We burned the cord and buried the placenta.  

Birth is beautiful, sacred, empowering. It is so wonderful to know and experience that such a strong process is our natural ability. Natural birth empowers me, is healthy for baby and me, gives my baby the softest start to life, and is one of the biggest gifts for our family. It is also much more, it is reclaiming our sovereignty and healing the divine feminine which has been oppressed for such a long time.
I have been very inspired by other mothers who had so beautiful and empowering births.  now it is my turn to help other mothers to reclaim their birth by sharing my experience

Positive birth stories need to be shared