I knew the moment after James was born that I wanted to do that again! But it took a long time to be ready for it. In the meantime I was going through my journey into the Feminine. I read all about Orgasmic Birth. I trained as a birth doula, a prenatal yoga teacher and a Reiki practitioner. In fact, I’m pretty confident that it was while I was practicing Reiki on my husband that the conception vessel opened and we got pregnant again. There was no extra preparation or trying this time.
In this episode, we are joined by Margaret Jowitt to talk about how familiarity with a woman’s anatomy could greatly impact one’s experience of childbirth. Clitoris’ role in reproduction is often disregarded but with proper understanding and technique, it can actually ease the intensity of labor and make up for a positive birth experience.
Birth is designed to be orgasmic, the fluttering vaginal contractions of orgasm initiated by the pressure of the fetal head also help ease the baby out. The engorgement of the vestibular bulbs and the crura provide a cushion for the back of the baby’s head to protect it from the hard bones of the pubic arch. All mammals evolved to have vaginal orgasm at birth to help their offspring out. Orgasm by external stimulation during sex is an added bonus.
“Every patient who enters Dr. Rubin’s office, regardless of age, is taken on a tour of their own vulva. No longer is a sheet draped over a patient’s legs for the pelvic exam — a convention that Dr. Rubin believes helps keep women’s “private parts” shameful and hidden. Instead, Dr. Rubin starts by handing her patient a long-handled mirror to see the same anatomy that she will be examining.
With a Q-tip, Dr. Rubin probes each part of the vulva for pain, pointing out the labia minora, labia majora and vaginal opening as her patient follows along. Then, she checks under the clitoral hood for adhesions or other skin conditions. The entire exam usually takes under five minutes. “We go at your pace,” she said recently in an exam with a 62-year-old woman, who was experiencing pain after sex. “You’re the boss of this show.””
Yanique deep dives into female sexuality and how the importance of understanding yourself and learning about your anatomy in order to experience orgasm. She’s also shared the reason why some women might feel a lack of sensation or pain and the methods to achieve soul-deep love and orgasmic effervescence. Let’s dive in!
Birth can be safe, healthy, and empowering for women. With proper preparation and the right support team, there’s a greater chance of achieving orgasmic birth, leaving a wonderful memory for you and your partner. In this episode, Doula Andrea Hausheer discusses how home birth can be a wonderful experience as a mother and how different it is from giving birth at the hospital.
Doulas have many benefits for a woman during labor and postpartum, but there are not enough of them in the birthing space. Listen in as Debra discusses how doulas are the missing link in maternity care, and how they can help amplify the voice of the birthing people facilitating informed decision making
How do we manifest a blissful, orgasmic birth? It involves targeting your limiting beliefs and looking more deeply into our minds and bodies. Today’s episode features Gina Ojeda, who will be sharing her powerful personal experience of a blissful birth. Listen in and explore the topic of pleasure, as it is one of the most important factors for a joyful and peaceful experience during and after birth.
How significant is the role of oxytocin in our bodies during labor and after birth? Dr. Sarah Buckley joined us in Episode 4 to talk about the hormones of Love, Sex and Childbirth. Today, Dr. Buckley is back to get in-depth on the roles of hormones when interventions are needed and on how to fill the hormonal gap in labor and after birth. Today is essential information to help you make informed decisions about induction and understand the differences between natural and synthetic oxytocin.
Piper Lovemore is an original Orgasmic Birth alum. Since birthing her first child in our documentary, she has gone on to welcome 6 more children, at home, via empowered, sovereign, and intuitive free births. Inspired by the concept of birth as a catalyst for personal growth and transformation, she has pursued a passion-driven career in the birth arts and supported hundreds of families as a birth educator, doula, and midwife.
Sheila Kamara Hay shares how letting the sexual energy flow from our bodies as opposed to resistance allows for magnified pleasure. Tune in to learn about sensual expansion and how we can activate pleasure within the body to support the progression of your labor. Sheila emphasizes the power of tapping into our natural design and how pleasure is an innate part of our process.
Naolí Vinaver is a Mexican midwife who combines traditional Mexican and contemporary home birth practices, with a profound respect for the physiology of natural birth, having attended over 1700 home births in both Mexico and Brazil. Naolí is a passionate speaker and educator, teaching hundreds of workshops and seminars in over 30 countries around the world.
In this episode, we discuss:
Shame and society’s conception of g******s Clitoral Complex: female pleasure, anatomy, and function The female reproductive organ is interconnected and complex. It’s more than just what we see. Female reproductive system’s role in pleasure and arousal We could make the birthing experience pleasurable when we have a full understanding of the female reproductive organ’s anatomy and its role. Bad history of ‘vaginal orgasm’ and ‘clitoris orgasm’ impacts negatively the way we look at our own sexuality Rewriting our thoughts about the female body, and the active role of the female reproductive organ in fertilization Rachel talks about the importance of understanding your own sexuality and the benefits of integrating this into sexual education
Lack of good sexual education has led to a rise in fear of childbirth and dissatisfaction with the experience. Debra highlights the importance of having a positive experience during labor and birth, emphasizing the importance of trusting one’s body. Midwives play an important role in making women feel confident and empowered in the childbirth process. It is important for people to have access to trained midwives who can provide support during labor and delivery. The Global Survey on Birth and Breastfeeding Practices was convened to launch a global initiative to improve breastfeeding rates. Debra talks about how collaborating with other organizations have led to a number of successes, including the creation of the International Childbirth Initiative. Debra also tackles the effects of bad birth experiences on people’s feelings about their bodies and relationships.
What an important and personal discussion I had with Sarah Bivens from Doing It At Home, a company helping parents to feel confident, prepared and excited for home birth She shared a bit of her own birth story and decision to change from a hospital birth to a home birth and then we dove deep into her practices that include utilizing sexual energy for manifestation, healing and joy (as opposed to only looking at it for procreation, fun and/or duty)!
She shared how important it is for us to do our own work on having healthy relationship to sexuality and went onto discuss sexuality as a pillar of health (in all senses of the term) that impacts creativity and expression.
Watch our conversation below.
Tilly shared her story of how her first birth opened her up to a pleasurable birth experience and she wanted that feeling of being fully connected to her body again without having to be in labor. She explains how “Birth has a way of awakening and pushing up our trauma and drama “ and how healing is at the root of what holds many people back from experiencing their pleasure and desire to its fullest. Yes!! For me this is so important to consider as pregnancy, birth, and early parenting benefit so much from healing and as Tilly said acknowledging that intergenerational trauma – what is handed down from our ancestors, impacts us and now as a new parent you have a choice of bringing healing and providing your children with a different story and healthy connection to their body, pleasure, and sexuality. I asked her and ask you to consider what the world would be like if everyone had a positive relationship to your body, pleasure, and sexuality with great sexual education so you can experience your pleasure in birth to its fullest?
I would love to hear your thoughts?
My husband ran to press the button that opens the condominium door on the bottom floor (we’re on the third). He ran back to me, I pushed out our baby, and he put her on my chest. The whole birth team rushed in together. “We’re here!!! OMG you did it!! We’re here! You did amazing!!” I heard the click-click of the camera. I had done it. Maria Elena was so sweet looking up at me. She stretched and seemed to like having extra space. We stared at each other. It was pure magic.
I had a very smooth pregnancy and actually felt some gratitude towards this crazy situation (Covid). I normally travel a lot for work and was worried that my work travel schedule would create stress during my pregnancy. Since we had to be at home, I really slowed down, became more present, and even further connected with my husband during this special time in our lives. Up until little Oliver’s arrival, I stayed as active as possible walking, swimming, and practicing yoga.
Together with the help of many birth keepers, we’ve compiled a list of the birth groups and ways you can donate, send supplies and hold both the MotherBaby-Families and those providing care in your heart and prayers for safety, strength, and with love. We will continue to surround them with love and support in these challenging times.
Please comment below or email us to add additional resources. Our document is a living doc, and we will update as more information comes in.
A hospital with a bed and stirrups is definitely lacking in privacy and feeling unobserved, and it may not be as safe as you’d like.
The process of labor and birth is controlled by a carefully orchestrated set of hormones and processes. These processes are enhanced by the environment and the comfort and calm that can be maintained. A birthing person feeling stress or adrenaline will reduce the building hormones needed to continue moving labor forward.
So, when you walk into a birth room and only see a bed and stirrups, your response should be “what else do you have available for comfort and privacy during birth?”
The anatomy of birth is the anatomy of pleasure, intimacy, and sacred sexuality. Birth moves a baby through a cervix, vagina, opens the labia, and touches clitoral nerves – all that under the right conditions can also bring pleasure and orgasm. I always say if you were to tell a person with a penis that they would have sensations there for over 10 hours, but that it isn’t sexual, that they would look at you like they were crazy!
After a year-long, community-centered process led by Every Mother Counts, the Choices in Childbirth series launches this week! This is a FIRST-OF-ITS-KIND educational hub for pregnancy, birth, and beyond–including films, worksheets, and helpful advice to guide every stage of your maternity care … Continued
Guest post While everyone always congratulates the soon-to-be mother, a celebration may be the last thing on your mind when you find out you’ll soon be bringing a new life into the world. From endless doctor’s appointments and constant cramps … Continued
How Birth Effected her Sexuality TW: miscarriage shared by Aimee I have had six incredible birth journeys, each one beautifully supported and held. I felt empowered to make my own decisions and supported to traverse to the depths of … Continued
The First Sight is Everything – Homebirth Story of Danae The hardest, proudest, most intense, beautiful, empowering, healing, soul connecting, incredible experience of my life! ~ birthing my son at home. Never in a million years did I think I … Continued
If you need support contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673 When Survivors Give Birth Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault Our webinar covered difficult feelings that can be challenging, and yet is essential to talk about. I hope as you listen … Continued
By the time you got pregnant, chances are you saw plenty of people on TV and in movies having painful, difficult births, complete with lots of screaming and crying (and maybe a spouse’s hand being squished, too).
But what if birth didn’t have to be anything like that? What if it could be pleasurable? It turns out that there’s a movement trying to help more people experience this type of orgasmic birth.
I felt like I had to learn how to push.
It was the most POWERFUL feeling I could ever imagine and I was in awe of my animal nature. It was as if the power of all the women before me was coming through as I roared and roared. Laurence and Francesca were like my cheerleaders. They were so so amazing, words can’t explain.
Catching Your Own Baby shared by Hannah Atterberry, Empowerment Birth Services My birth was such an incredible journey. It was long… it was intense… and oh. So. Satisfying! Intense, transcending, beautiful, empowering, powerful all describe my birth perfectly. My daughter … Continued
When I told him “I study pleasure experienced during birth,” he said, “There’s no such thing.” Author: Elisabeth Bolaza Here’s how it went down. I was a very large 6-months pregnant with my second baby with the audacity to travel … Continued
One of the greatest joys of being the founder of the Orgasmic Birth movement is meeting people around the world who are in all different places of healing and expanding into their vision for birth and parenting.
I’ll never forget meeting Sarah-Jane at our Eat Pray Doula retreat in Bali. It was particularly special because Sarah-Jane was preparing to welcome her second child. We were not only able to spend a beautiful time together during our eight-day retreat, but afterwards we enjoyed many hours together as she moved through the many emotions and healing from her first birth as she prepared for her second.
I loved watching her create her incredible and supportive birth team as she prepared for a beautiful Orgasmic Birth. I’m so excited to share our special webinar – reconnecting and sharing not only her ecstatic birth story but with inspirational tips and wisdom as she is birthing forward her wisdom in some very special ways.
Seeing each person find their power in birth is an honour beyond what I have words to describe, I invite you to hear for yourself Sarah-Jane’s power of birth. ~Debra
Wolfgang Martin Winter (Wolf) was born at home on February 25th at 3:23am. This is his birth story. To start the story of Wolfgang’s birth I have to rewind a bit. In May of 2017 Wolf’s big sister, Violet was … Continued
Empowering Birth Story Today I want to share the story of one of my doula clients, Naomi. Here’s what Sara Elizabeth, another student, had to say about watching Naomi’s birth story: “The videos of Naomi’s first and second birth experiences … Continued
Having an Orgasmic Birth with Renee Rodriguez Renée Rodriguez talks about her experience of pregnancy as a woman in the corporate world and how she was able to explore birth options that were as dynamic as her changing life. She … Continued
Are you ready to begin your doula practice or learn how to support your partner, friend, or family at their birth? BECOME A DOULA Download my free guide9 Steps to become a working doula [in less than 1 month] Plus, … Continued
Renée Rodriguez talks about her experience of pregnancy as a woman in the corporate world and how she was able to explore birth options that were as dynamic as her changing life. She highlights how involving sexuality throughout both of her labors transformed her state of mind and being, ultimately leading to two orgasmic births. With her stories, she aims to emphasize that you don’t need perfect conditions or a perfect pregnancy to have an orgasmic birth.
Find more resources for expectant parents: https://orgasmicbirth.thinkific.com/for-parents
Yanique Bell is a Tantric Intimacy and Empowerment Coach, also known as the Pussy Queen. She helps wild-hearted woman reclaim their pussies and unlock their sacred potential.
She got her Bachelor’s in Religion from Princeton University, where as a former pre-med student, she focused on the relationship between Religion and Science. A long-time lover of the mystical with a deep hunger for knowledge, Yanique takes an approach to healing and actualization that weaves both ancient wisdom and modern science. She’s gone from being a celibate people-pleasing Christian good-girl, someone who was “holy and broken” to a woman who is “whole and complete.” And now, she’s here to guide you deeper and deeper into YOUR personal wild.
She joined my Orgasmic Birth Practitioner Members (interested, learn more here) for a webinar and I’m excited to share a snippet of that with you today.
Are you dreaming of your birth with many swirling emotions?
Would you like to have a safe, gentle birth with respect and love?
Are you afraid of the pain and wondering if you can do it?
Are you confused?
There are so many options and stories it’s hard to know what is best.
A doula can make the difference to help you achieve the birth you desire!
Carolyn DeLucia, MD., FACOG is a board-certified OB/GYN helping women to regain their feminine empowerment through sexual wellness by solving painful sex, lack of sensation, and pleasure. She helps women to restore their confidence, reconnect with their partners and reclaim their lives. She is also the author of Ultimate Intimacy.
Dr. DeLucia shares a review of female anatomy, G-Spot, Clitoris and the effects of childbirth, menopause, and estrogen on the vaginal walls and sexual sensation.
She also shares a beautiful understanding of how our vulvas are each like a snowflake, beautiful, and unique.
My dharma is to raise you, Harmony Riot, in the consciousness of this Essence which lives and breathes inside of you. I love you from the depths of my being and I will model to you how to love yourself above all else and then offer that love to the world 🌎
WOMBen… take your power back, reclaim your birth, you just might hold more strength than you realize… I bow to you, Namaste 🙏
Our guest, Sheila Kamara Hay shares 3 key topics birth practitioners need to know to support pleasurable birth. You’ll learn about reconnecting with your body’s wisdom, expansive pleasure, and how to have an ecstatic birth amongst the intensity that comes with labor. She calls this “Body, Bliss, and Ecstatic Birth”. If you want to watch Sheila’s full interview and other guest experts, be sure to join our wait list for our Orgasmic Birth Practitioners: https://www.orgasmicbirth.com/practitionerwaitlist
Elizabeth Clyde, the author of Pregnant and Empowered, retells her birth stories and discusses her experience as an African American millennial mother. She advises pregnant people to make birth a mental experience and to make it their own. She found the presence of mind to be a powerful, reflexive tool that is useful whether a birth experience is a marathon or a sprint. Elizabeth emphasizes the importance of advocating as the primary care for your child and explores how disparities emerge from lack of encouragement toward education. The power in birthing and nursing a child is one that should be chosen but is too often stolen away.
Regardless, I had set everything up to make sure this birth was everything I wanted. I had been suprised weeks before, on return from a rare outting, by Bodhi and Clint, who had decorated our loungeroom and from that moment on it was referred to as our birthing space. Bodhi meticulously positioned the birth pool in the exact spot it was for his birth, we had blockout curtains on every doorway, fairy lights, affirmations, crystals, diffusers, homeopathy, essential oils, blankets, towels, baby cloths, cloth nappies, GoPros and cameras set up… I wanted to spend time floating in the birth pool before birthing in there with Clint and Bodhi in the pool too, and my birth plan even listed Bodhi as one of the people to “catch the baby”. I had taken him shopping in the weeks leading up for his own mirror as he had become equally as obsessed as me with watching birthing videos and seeing the baby crown. I had an Erykah Badu playlist ready (I think she’s a Queen and FUN FACT she is a Doula; more on that at another time), I had planned everything to the T. Which oils would be in the diffuser at each stage of labour, I had premixed roller bottles with instructions of when and how to apply, I had a memo on the wall of when to call Janine and Me
After many months of struggling to conceive and with the help of fertility assistance, we were finally pregnant! I went in for an early ultrasound to make sure everything was progressing normally and then – TWINS!! The first thought that went through my head was – “oh no!!! My birth!!” Thinking I may be doomed to a medicalized hospital birth or cesarean. Little did I know I was already under the care of remarkable midwives who had vast experience supporting twin home births, so the doors of possibilities for a positive and peaceful home birth experience were still wide open to me!
Let’s talk about our Rights In Birth.
Not just those that we “expect” like quality care, and respect, but even more. It’s time to start demanding that birth is more than just another medical procedure, that it can be full of love, pleasure and power.
Today, I’m sharing with you what I call your “Pleasure Rights” in Birth.
1. You have a right to a Pleasurable Birth (SHOCKING? But I believe it’s the basis of all rights in birth.)
Share your doula story Debra loves training doulas around the world. Share your story to inspire others. Please consider when writing: Why you became a doula Why you trained with Debra What you loved about your doula training Where you … Continued
Bailey Gaddis Birth Story My labor came on strong and fast. For the first hour one contraction would roll right into the next, and I was convinced the Mexican food I had earlier that evening was wrecking havoc on my … Continued
Caroline, a Doula and birth photographer from Belgium walks us through her two different birth stories and talks about how she learned from the first to advocate throughout the second. This involved making decisions based on what felt right for her body and overall exploring her options and finding ways to make them possible. Caroline discusses the important role that movement played in her second birth and how the support of her birth “crew” felt like the final pieces coming together for her complete experience.
In this article, Megan Harrison from Couples Candy provides a rundown on all of the health benefits of having sex. From living longer to being smarter and having a ton of fun while doing so. Unadulterated, consensual, fabulous sex is often a … Continued
Michelle and Rodrigo were able to grow through the sacred experience of birth as a couple. They highlight the importance of using a doula as well as educating onesself on the options of labor and knowing what to expect. Throughout their experience they prioritized honest communication and normalizing when things don’t go according to plan. Also, their discussion of a birth ambiance featuring a neutral yet decorated safe space mentions the use of calling upon ancestry for assistance and support.
Nienke de Leeuw, a midwife of Vive, a group based in Amsterdam, talks us through her two birth stories and her discovery, exploration, and experience of orgasmic birth. She describes a transformation she took on within her role as a midwife to explore pleasure and joy in birth as a result of her own experiences and expansion of ideology. Nienke also discusses the benefits she has experienced with sensual dance and emphasizes the importance of prioritizing self love before and after pregnancy.
Reena, a Balinese midwife, moved to Belgium with her partner and gave birth to two children in a completely new culture. We got together to catch up, and she shares with me about her first and second births, the things she changed, and how she healed.
Using all of her knowledge as a midwife, her first birth experience, and her love of Bali, Reena worked to create an environment that would remind her of the comforts of her Bali home. With the help of a supportive team, Reena was able to feel confident in her second birth.
In Part V of our six-part video series with Dr. Sarah Buckley, we discuss the sexuality of childbirth. Childbirth is Sexual?? Yes, it actually is! There are so many parallels between sex and birth, and neither flow as well when … Continued
Induction of labor has become increasingly common but is not always successful because of how it differs from physiological onset of labor. The optimal number of oxytocin receptors are often not yet ready during induction which means contractions can be longer, stronger, and closer together. This hormonal gap can be closed, however, with skin to skin contact as well as breastfeeding.
While pre-labor cesarean sections can lead to hormone gaps for MotherBaby, beginning labor before the cesarean birth can limit these effects. This allows hormones such as catecholamine to surge and ready the baby to exit the womb. Skin to skin contact and breastfeeding are post-labor ways to bridge the hormone gap as well. Find out more about Dr. Sarah Buckley’s perspectives on gentle cesarean births.
Your Brain, Birth and Pleasure: Mother Nature’s Superb Design – Dr. Sarah Buckley discusses the positive feedback loop of hormones in childbirth. Learn why birth is designed to be the best first date ever to fall in love and get ready for a lifetime of parenting. Understand how to have an ecstatic birth, how to set up a birth environment according to the science of our brains and why birthing a baby requires the same environment as making a baby.
When I became a doula 5 months after my VBAC birth, I didn’t “believe” in home birth. As if home birth needs me to believe in it (ha!). And less than a year and a half later I would be giving birth in a fishy pool in my living room. I had preconceived notions about home birth being unsafe, about mothers and babies dying, about home birth being something only radical and rebellious people did (I hadn’t quite tuned into that part of my life yet). And yet, when I decided on my youngest son’s 1st birthday to have another baby, and subsequently found myself pregnant 3 weeks later, I couldn’t help but feel curious about it.
This birth turned off the little voice in my head that shut down every ambition and good idea I had and turned on my self-confidence, my power, my curiosity, and erased every bit of fear I have ever had. It was a transformative moment that changed me forever. The work I did during my pregnancy, the support team I built for myself, the active role I took in my birth, it all had impacts far beyond the delivery room, and is the fuel behind my lifelong passion to improve the maternal experience.
When Birth Isn’t What You Expected: 3 Lessons by Kaitlin McGreyes Kaitlin had three very different births that reflect her journey from new mom to seasoned birthworker and advocate for women’s health. Each experience offered lessons and room for growth … Continued
Is there something going on that you know you must address, as Debra did?
Is this your wake up call?
Debra has decided to do another 30 Day Transformation in January and we are excited to invite you to learn more about what’s involved as you design your pleasurable 2021.
Join us December 16th at 1pm PT | 4pm ET to an intimate Zoom with Debra and I, where we will share more about our journeys and how this nutrition may support you. Here’s the link. We look forward to midwifing you along the path of transforming your health.
by Naomi In February I gave birth to our second daughter, Nirvana Freya Lee. I was alone when she arrived and received her into my arms myself. It was a powerful and sacred moment. Here’s how her amazing birth unfolded… … Continued
by Nena Complo When you were almost here, about ready to emerge I knelt upon my bed, and fell into deep prayer To you I told you about everyone in the room, loving you and waiting for you I confided … Continued
by Alejandra Lozano, LCCE, Midwife, Orgasmic Birth Community Manager Since the birth of her son Mariano, she became passionate about birth, and began her preparation to become a professional and traditional midwife, with the intention that more women have the … Continued
October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month. About one in four pregnancies ends in pregnancy loss. For many people this can be an emotional process, and it is important that they receive care in a setting that is comfortable and safe.
Amy Wright Glenn, the Founder of The Institute for Birth, Breathe and Death has a special, limited time offer for you to expand your knowledge in supporting families around loss.
You are the expert on your body and your baby! Your care providers should be like lifeguards there to help you when you need assistance, but otherwise they sit quietly in the corner as you navigate the gentle waters, giving you the privacy and safety you need to experience the intimacy and joy of childbirth.
How do you begin to prepare for an Orgasmic Birth?
I coped so well through that labour. I was lying in bed but comfortable, totally in lala labourland. But at one point a nurse came in and tried asking me some questions. I was so in the zone that I could only answer with a slight nod of my head.
“She must know better than me…”
She then told me “I know you wanted to avoid the epidural but if you can’t even speak with me now how on earth are you going to push a baby out?”.
I woke up around 5am due to a light ache in my belly. I knew that it was a beginning and I felt very quiet. I just knew that we would meet very soon and decided to continue sleeping and give Arturas time to rest. Every morning we had the same things: fresh papayas, oatmeal with dates, sesame seeds and peanut butter, but this time it felt different. It was a strange feeling overall, I felt slow, everything I did was slower than usual, thinking, moving around, almost like taking time to experience every moment in full. I felt like I had a secret which no one saw or knew about. But there were special processes within me – the little one was coming into this world.
I had these intense and close-knit contractions for over 14 hours, and now comes the surprising thing about my case: Those uterine contractions were completely painless to me.
Despite the stupefaction of the nurses and the gynecologist who attended me, my uterine contractions were completely painless …
On multiple occasions they offered me epidural anesthesia, I always rejected it. I felt no pain at all.
What was going on in my uterus? For a time I thought that I might have some kind of special sensitivity to pain. But later I found out that it wasn’t that at all.
I honor and celebrate you! You have become (or are about to become) a parent. You are doing the most important job in the world to shape the next generation with your love and parenting.
I remember when I first became a parent and wondered why there is no preparation for parenting that includes all the changes you will experience in your relationship and sexuality.
I couldn’t find any book that honored this aspect of the major life transition of parenting.
There was nothing out there that celebrated mothers, and all birthing people, and our new and changed bodies.
Childbirth is a portal of self-knowledge and connection, and motherhood is a channel for the present. I was studying postmodern midwifery at the Da-a-Luz school, Andalucía, Spain, in a community very focused on women, nature and alternative ways of living. Most of the people there live in trailers, caravans and tents; they spend most of the day outside and live very closely with their neighbors. The school’s classes take place in a vagina-shaped building, and we study inside the womb. After having spent 5 years using IUDs, and 4 of them without menstruating, it was a huge reconnection with my feminine to know this school and these people: to live with women planting their menstrual blood, holding women’s circles, singing at the fire and bathing in the river. After the first year at school, I got pregnant by my partner Elijah, and we decided to give birth there.
Join our Pleasurable Birth Essentials Online Class to Positively Prepare for your Birth!
“I knew this birth would be different from Odyns, from all that came in between, and it was my second baby after all, but I don’t think I could’ve seen this. Since around December 12 I’d been having start and stop contractions and felt like labor would come at any time. Of course the next weeks were torture because nothing ever came of any of it…”
El nacimiento de Mariano, el día que pari mi cuerpo.
Desde el momento en que supe que estaba embarazada todo mi pensamiento se fue a investigar el proceso, los cambios que sucederían, el desarrollo de mi bebé y el parto, lo que mas me intrigaba era el tema de la epidural, le tenia una especie de terror a esa intervención… no había a quien preguntarle mas que a mi mamá que decía que no era para tanto, seguí investigando hasta que encontré la opción del parto en agua en Monterrey, Nuevo León, México, lo que me llevo a encontrar cursos de preparación para el parto (me sirvieron muchísimo) y fue donde encontré a mi partera, en ese momento mi vida cambio totalmente, estaba decidida a tener un parto en casa (y a convertirme en partera), no había otra opción posible en mi cabeza, así tendría que ser, a costa de lo que fuera.
I began moaning and doing my best to keep the sound flowing, as it seemed to help me stay afloat. With my knees on the floor and my arms gripping the pillows tightly in front of me, my body was in control. I attempted to quiet my mind and began rocking back and forth now, as opposed to side to side like I’d done while standing. I kept thinking about how I should try to perceive the sensations as interesting instead of painful. Some of the time, I found I was able to flow through part of a contraction as though I were simply witnessing an intense feeling, observing a wild ride that my body was on. Though, much of the time, I was experiencing it as the most intense pain I’ve ever felt, only comparable to the birth of my son.
I fell back to using my hypnobirthing practices, telling myself to breathe through each contraction rather than letting myself get upset and tense. I genuinely feel that this mindset is what allowed me to have such a peaceful and wonderful birthing experience.
I climbed onto all fours and leaned my top half over a beanbag for support. My body told me to sway my hips back and forth and I gave in, listening to every cue that I was being given.
I’m pretty sure that you were conceived just before Christmas and during one of the craziest storms I’ve ever experienced. I was supporting someone as their doula at the birth centre here in Ubud, and Daddy was in Java working. The energy from the birth combined with that of the storm made for a crazy night. I was taking a quick breather outside the birth room in the middle of the night, when one of the midwives walked past and said, “I didn’t know that you were pregnant”. “I’m not” I replied. Suastini looked at me funny. I later learned that she has an innate intuition for knowing when people are pregnant. Sometimes, it turns out, even before they do themselves.
You were also born during an epic storm on the night that the following rainy season started. It rained through the roof of our house and in through the ceiling of the room we were birthing in.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Interestingly, Daddy and I had only very recently had a conversation about having another baby. About how, after being told that it was unlikely that we would have children naturally and trying for three and a half years for Indi, we felt incredibly blessed and completely accepting of the fact that we may only have one child.
Clearly you had other ideas about that!
Indi and I went for a walk to the pharmacy and that night, after she was asleep and without thinking to tell Daddy about my suspicions, I did the pregnancy test. I was so shocked at the positive result that I couldn’t speak and just went downstairs and showed it to Papa. Understandably, he was a little confused about the situation, and it took a few minutes for what he was seeing to sink in.
We sat and held one another for quite a long time while we let the news soak in. What a truly wonderful Christmas gift. I did have one concern though: how on earth was I going to find the same amount of love for another baby, that I had for your sister? Was my capacity to love that great?
Apart from nausea and some extra tiredness until I was around 14 weeks pregnant, early pregnancy was fairly uneventful with you! The biggest challenge for me was breastfeeding your sister through the intensely sensitive nipples I had during those first weeks! My pregnancy was busy, healthy and active and the months whizzed by. Naturally, we planned a home birth for you.
Daddy and I were swimming in a lagoon off of Tsoi Lik, when it occurred to me that my bleeding was almost a week late, which never happened. In fact, after almost three and a half years of unsuccessfully trying to conceive, we were near to giving up hope of having a baby. Grandma had come to Papua New Guinea on holiday and the three of us were adventuring in New Ireland Province, Papua New Guinea’s most remote.
Floating in that magical lagoon, I took deep calming breaths.
I could be pregnant.
I told Papa.
In my documentary, Orgasmic Birth: The Best-Kept Secret, Dr. Sarah Buckley says: “Personally I think the most effective form of pain relief for a laboring woman is to have people around her to support her and with whom she feels comfortable and relaxed.If she’s in a state where the hormones are working superbly as they do in an undisturbed birth, the need for pain relief will be very low.”
This is an essential concept in all of my work – the need for privacy, safety, support and encouragement.
If you want to learn how to achieve a pleasurable birth, I have the roadmap for you.
What a wonderful word!
I love the reaction I receive when I say the word clitoris. At our Eat Pray Doula retreats in Bali, Ibu Robin Lim has us all yell clitoris every time we take a group picture.
Yes we count to three and yell “clitoris” and the pictures captured are always amazing – every person shining and laughing. I have brought that tradition to my Birth Day Presence doula workshops in Brooklyn, NY with the same wonderful results.
You can see it now that you look, can’t you? 😂
So I began to envision my upcoming birth. I wrote a detailed birth plan – things to resolve, changes to make and an experience to embrace. Even without taking one test or sonogram during pregnancy, I remained positive about my body’s natural ability to birth my baby. I began a process of undoing some of the fearful thinking that had prevented me from experiencing motherhood on a more blissful level. I also began internalizing the belief that birth – as with other aspects of life – is very much a self-fulfilling prophecy. My state of mind will determine its outcome.
Friday night the week spring arrived, I lit Shabbat candles and began feeling signs of labor. I sat on the couch reading a newspaper as my almost-five-year-old daughter played in the empty birthing pool my husband had pumped up earlier. We wouldn’t fill it with water until I was ready to get inside so that the water would be warm.
For the last fifty years, women have been told that hospital birth is safer than home birth, despite the research showing that this not true. Obviously, if you or your baby have a problem then having a hospital birth would be a sensible decision. If, however, you and your baby are fit and healthy home birth is as safe as birth in hospital.
Obstetric technology was developed to help women and babies with problems but, throughout the developed world those technologies are over-used, and as a result, many women end up with a cesarean operation to save them from the problems the interventions caused in the first place.
For many years I had wanted to tell my story to someone who would totally understand and “get it” and that person was Debra Pascali-Bonaro. After sharing my birth stories with Debra in Bali, I have never felt so validated and heard before, it was such a beautiful moment to share together and will remain very special to me forever. Debra affirmed my experience, with celebration, gentleness and so much love and understanding, and it was such a pleasure to feel that I could be true to the truth of what happened in those moments of my life.
Fortunately, the scientific community is finally catching up with what many of us already knew. There has been an overwhelming amount of studies with findings that are backing up the importance of having doula support during labor. These include fewer birth complications, reduced labor time, a decrease in pain levels, a boost in early breastfeeding scores, and positive mother-infant interaction. WeTheParents demonstrate the importance of 17 evidence-based benefits of doula-support.
So, what can you do?
Review my ten tips above and think about their importance for you to be able to open to birth. Birth is intimate and requires the same hormones to flow as when we are opening to orgasm. Things that will disturb your intimacy will disturb you when you are laboring and giving birth to your baby, can also make birth longer and more painful. Talk to your partner about your feelings, hire a doula and consider taking our online Pleasurable Birth Labor Essentials class to help you expand your Comfort and Pleasure kit, release your fears, and gain the confidence to create the birth your desire in any location with our tips and secrets to a birth filled with pleasure and love.
Unrecognized by medicine for years, myself and other birth workers were noting that childbirth was a fully integrated mind-body-soul experience, full of hormone release, emotions, and with deeply sacred and physical components. It was apparent that birth was designed to create ease in breastfeeding, bonding and the important attachment of MotherBaby love. Dr. Sarah Buckley’s Hormonal Physiology report was the science to back up all we knew and believed deep down – that a challenging or traumatic birth was creating more difficulties to overcome, often making it harder to breastfeed, increasing risks of depression and adjustment to parenthood.
The larger a child grows the more a mother will be subjected to the judgment of others, and this can push some to give up on breastfeeding earlier than they otherwise would.
Despite the World Health Organization recommending that breast milk can make up a part of a child’s diet for two years and beyond, it is rare to see Mothers make it past six months in western countries.
The “Giving Voice to Mothers Study” only further ignites my excitement to be named Co-Chair of the new International Childbirth Initiative (ICI). The International MotherBaby Childbirth Organization (IMBCO) and the Federation of Gynecology and Obstetrics (FIGO) have joined forces developing a single global initiative to provide guidance and support for safe and respectful maternity care, building upon their previous work and incorporating the most recent evidence and insights into what constitutes optimal maternal and newborn health. The Initiative is endorsed by leading birth organizations around the world, and includes “12 Steps to Safe and Respectful MotherBaby-Family Maternity Care.”
Orgasms for the win! I am honored to be included in Kelly Hoover Greenway’s article this week in Romper recently – “5 Benefits Of Orgasm During Pregnancy You Need To Know About!” “If you haven’t heard the term “orgasmic birth,” … Continued
On Sunday, February 11th I woke up feeling a little strange. Nonetheless, as mom’s do- I got ready and my family and I left for the 9:30am service at Orchard Hill Church in Wexford, PA. I was a bit nauseous during the service, and remember stepping out into the lobby for some air. When we returned home, I took this adorable photo of my son, which would become the last picture I took of him as an only child! He was SO excited to become a big brother, and took practicing very seriously.
The Beautiful Work Challenge: On Birth
What are the essentials of birth? Who broke maternity care? Is transformation possible? Empowerment, disempowerment, the health of babies & society all begin at birth. Have you thought about these questions? I am honored to be a part along with many of my mentors, colleagues and friends in this powerful discussion in The Beautiful Work Challenge: On Birth–a new podcast.
Creating Space for a Sexy Birth
with Debra Pascali-Bonaro and Amy L. Gilliland, Ph.D., BDT(DONA)
Amy Gilliland joined me for a sexy webinar all about pleasure and birth in any setting.
Creating comfortable space for your sexuality in birth (even in the hospital)
The role of a doula and partner for your sexy birth
How sexual beliefs, perception and trauma can get in the way of a pleasurable birth
“Great info!! Thank you. Loved the rule of 3, Friendliness hormone, and the fact that pleasure and safety go together. Looking forward to more of these webinars, Amy and Debra!!!”
Today I have a very special reason to thank and celebrate Midwife, Lonnie Morris for not only being my midwife 30 years ago at her birth center in New Jersey, but as a dear friend, colleague and most recently for caring for my daughter Megan and helping to welcome my 4th grandson Jordan into the world!Lonnie and I have had the opportunity to attend many births together – friends, family and clients and most recently for my daughter too. It is so special when you can trust your children’s birth to the wise loving hands of a midwife you have know since my own births.
10 Years ago, we introduced you to Piper and Chaz as they welcomed their baby in our film, Orgasmic Birth. Since then, they have gone on to have 5 more babies, move to Hawaii, are unschooling their children, and are on a mission to support parents in their journeys to become parents.
Together they are Lovemore Lamaze, teaching Lamaze Childbirth Classes to expectant parents. Piper also serves families as a birth doula, midwife, and freebirthing consultant. Chaz shares his wisdom counseling partners in addressing their own fears and finding their intuition.
In our latest webinar, Piper and Chaz (along with cameos from the Lovemore pack), share their top tips for Communication and preparing for birth as partners. As Piper said “Birth is a grand foreshadowing of the tools you’ll need as a parent. So the less obstruction there is in downloading that information that is trying to come through, perhaps the more ease you’ll have in growing and expanding into parenthood.”
Gabriella A. Nelson shares “”City planners were no innocent bystanders in the abusive history of Black women’s bodies… Evidence indicates that housing instability is associated with low and very low birth weights, preterm delivery, infants that are small for their gestational age, and maternal and infant mortality.”
I gave myself to the process of birth. I trusted it unconditionally. I let go in every way that I could. I completely and entirely surrendered to my body and to the universe. I spent the years after my first cesarean truly soul-searching and working very hard on myself, to heal, to be at peace with my first birth story and most importantly to relinquish the concept of control. This took years of spiritual practice and yoga. When I got pregnant this time around, I felt empowered, peaceful and relaxed. I had no fear, no tension and no anxiety. I finally understood the connection amongst mind, body and soul, as it relates to pregnancy and birthing.
Birth is controlled by the natural flow of our hormones. It’s a perfectly orchestrated process for MotherBaby. As Valeriana says in our webinar below “it’s a perfectly choreographed dance with no dress rehearsal.”Watch our special webinar below and learn:Valeriana’s Top 6 books to read in pregnancyWhat’s a birth alter and why would you want to create oneWhy a homebirth supports hormones more than the hospitalWhy the pain of birth is extremely different than an injuryYou too can enjoy the flow of hormones at birth, as one of Valerian’s client’s said “hormones at birth made me feel like I was in an altered state, a lot like a dream. It allowed me to let go and just be with the experience. It took me out of my head, and put me into my body, I knew exactly what to do.”
About two and half years into my nursing career, I cared for a woman who changed the trajectory of what birth meant to me. She laughed her way through labor, made out with her husband between contractions, and was supported by her mother. This woman labored during a night shift, so the on-call OBGYN was asleep. It was just this woman, her husband, her mother and I, all working together to bring her baby into the world safely. Wow, what an incredible thing to be a part of! About two weeks after I helped this woman deliver her baby earthside, I applied to a Certified Nurse Midwifery Program. I am so pleased to say that I begin classes this April. As I go forth in my career, I carry the stories of many birthing people who were mistreated, just like my mom. In the United States, where intervention and cesarean rates have skyrocketed, I feel called to leave a positive mark in the birthing community, no matter how small.
I know it is hard to believe but YES, I got an ORGASMIC BIRTH! I literally DANCED my baby down! People around me know that I am passionate about birth and pregnancy, and since I found out about orgasmic birth I was preparing myself to get one! I mean, who wouldn’t want to get waves of pleasure instead of waves of pain during childbirth?
Expanding your sexuality, extreme sports, locking the door and a toothbrush for pleasure…
That’s just a taste of what Julie Bonapace and I chatted about on our webinar! It was so special connecting with my dear friend and together sharing ways to overcome fear and the pain that is created by it – in birth and in life.
It was in that class that I was first introduced to the book Orgasmic Birth.
I remember the whole class snickered at first at the concept that birth could be orgasmic, but I admit my ears perked up. I was already frustrated by how medicalized birth had become in the US but I had been so programmed that birth was painful and dangerous. This was the start of beginning to unlearn, or deprogram from that mindset.
Like most everyone who’s ever given birth, I remember exactly when it started. It was around 4 am on a cold, winter Wednesday morning. Lying in bed in the darkness, trying to decide if “this” was “it.”
Nothing else existed, and I relished in the moment. In a secret knowing between baby and me, that -for now- was only ours to hold.
There is something so special being with Angelika, my host at Elysia Red Tent when we facilitate Doula circles. We are sisters on a journey Singing now as one Remembering the ancient ones The women and the wisdom We are … Continued
Art, Eroticism, Love, Passion, Pleasure Have you ever had one of those days that you waited for with excited anticipation and then it was even more magical than you could’ve imagined? After my first time speaking at ICM Congress in … Continued
I didn’t know that it could get better… And then it did! Midwifery Today is a special home for me and so many of my colleagues. I always meet new doulas, midwives, nurses, educators, and doctors who often feel alone … Continued
By Mary A. Whitlock At my recent DONA Doula training lead by the heartwarming and inspirational Doula trainer, Debra Pascali-Bonaro, I was reminded why I love my work as a doula and its positive impact on the community. It also … Continued
By Debra Pascali-Bonaro Imagine the day you will give birth, bringing a new life into the world. You have waited 9+ months – feeling new life moving within, anticipating labor, birth and what life will be like as a parent. … Continued
by Melissa Ambrosini There’s so much shame and taboo in society when it comes to sexuality… particularly women’s sexuality. This kind of shame is deeply ingrained in us — and so embedded in our stories and culture — that even … Continued
Byron Bay hinterlands – a dream homebirth story 18.9.2013 – The day before my estimated due date. After seeing my friend Priscylla and asking her little darling daughter Lyluna to tell the baby boy in my belly to finally come … Continued
10 essential questions to prepare for a safe gentle and pleasurable birth 1. Respect Do you feel respected by your caregiver and that all of your questions are answered with care and compassion? Respectful care and informed decision-making are … Continued
Mamas, Let’s Unite Over Breastfeeding by WeTheParents This year’s World Breastfeeding Week rocked! Finishing last week, this global celebration, once again, brought people together from all countries and cultures to pay homage to that most incredible and ancient of parenting … Continued
The United States is failing women and infants. Maternal and newborn health outcomes are worse than in other high-income nations, costs are high and many women cannot access safe, evidence-based maternity care that truly reflects their needs and preferences. The … Continued
by Sam Sundara My birth experience taught me about being open emotionally and how holding onto fear actually creates pain. I remember a moment through transitioning where I actually completely opened to those overwhelming sensations & feelings, and it was … Continued
What does a parent need postpartum? Information shared by Dr. Alessandra Bortolotti at a recent Postpartum Doula Workshop To be heard Trust Relationship Relaxation Intimacy: Sensuality – Connection Respect Consideration Protection Nourishment Nurturing To be accepted Rest What does a baby … Continued
As an activist, mother, and grandmother I am grateful for my connection to the past, present, and to vision my dreams and desires for a peaceful world that honors and respects all people and their ability to give birth and … Continued
Dads can bond with baby just as well as mom can. A loving, supportive father can provide much needed love and comfort during pregnancy and birth, they can bond with the newborn baby, and care for the mother. Daddies have … Continued
By @bornathome5 This is the story of my fifth homebirth. With four successful homebirths under my belt and a strong belief in the birth process and my body’s ability, my partner and I decided to try for an unassisted birth. … Continued
Eita Segawa was the inspirational organizer of the first Orgasmic Birth Screening in Japan. I was moved to meet him as the universe’s divine timing had me in Japan with Kiyoe to teach doula workshops at the exact time Orgasmic … Continued
As a childbirth educator and doula / Dona doula trainer, I see fear in childbirth growing, both in providers and consumers. While we are making improvement in many areas of life – in the U.S and some other countries childbirth … Continued
There is something magical about watching participants arrive into a doula workshop and slowly blossom and open like a lotus flower as they become part of the special circle of doulas supporting one another in birth and life. As … Continued
by Wholistic_unity During the time leading up to my daughters first birthday, all I could think about is the day she was born and how I’ll never be the same again. Being pregnant and going through labor and birth has … Continued
by shared by Brittney of Fractal Birth On the morning of November 29th, I woke up before my husband and daughter, which was unusual for me as I had been sleeping in so much the whole pregnancy. This was the exact … Continued
by Nichole B I discovered how inspiring photography could be for healing while sending pictures of myself to a good girlfriend a few years after I had my baby. During my pregnancy I had gained a good amount of … Continued
V-day is a great day to explore and create “Orgasmic – Pleasure”. Whether you are expecting to have a baby on Valentine’s, are pregnant, are a parent, or see parenthood in your future or not, you can create an Orgasmic … Continued
I am a mother of 3 beautiful children. My first 2 I had delivered in a hospital and my third was delivered [as a homebirth] in my living room. by Nichole from Wisconsin My first labor was pretty quick. 6 … Continued
It was almost a year ago that I marched on Washington for the Women’s March. What a year it has been since that powerful and transformative day. Since then the #MeToo Campaign began – with women from around the world … Continued
Enjoy this home birth story / natural delivery story submitted by Heather Iverson July 26, 2016 8pm surges start…I’m thinking it’s more prodromal labor that I had been having foe a few weeks off and on. So Kayden (my 5 year … Continued
Some years after our 5th daughter was born I felt this strong longing for another baby. It was more like a calling. My rational mind told me I was crazy wanting another one after 5 babies especially that I feel … Continued
by Natalie Telyatnikov When I was just 1 day shy of 41 weeks gestation, my midwife called me, concerned. “There are a few things that make homebirths less safe,” she said, “and this is one of them.” In this instance, my midwife … Continued
Throughout her-story there were rituals to prepare people for the rite of passage of birth and parenthood. These were often ceremonies that built self esteem, connection to family and community, healed and cleared obstacles in our relationship with parents, our … Continued
Savitha Kopperla Breech Birth Of One Brave Mamma, and her Breech Birth Story at 43 weeks complete! Rewind: Feb 2015: I helped her birth her footling breech baby girl naturally. In that pregnancy, she got so fed up with the … Continued
I take drugs, but only when I’m giving birth How is it that we have become more comfortable with technology, drugs and artificial hormones in childbirth, while at the same time we are seeing a movement back towards natural food … Continued
Will you be daring with me? Enjoy the replay of my webinar with Karen Brody talking about her new paradigm-breaking book, Daring to Rest: Reclaim Your Power with Yoga Nidra Rest Meditation. On the call, many of us were inspired … Continued
Note from Debra: My dear friend, Jaqueline Eddaoudi has been on an amazing journey giving birth to five children at home with her 6th is on the way. Jaqueline and I met when she was my translator for a big … Continued
“When you add Pleasure to Pain – Pain can become Pleasurable!” -Carina to Arizona in Grey’s Anatomy when discussing using masturbation to get a laboring mother’s natural oxytocin to flow, moving labor along in the most pleasurable way possible! Grey’s … Continued
For mothers who are thrilled with their birthing experience, For mothers that are not, For mothers to be that have no clue what to expect. By Tanja Nenadovic Vasquez This is the story about my pregnancy and natural, vaginal, … Continued
Birth story Sifra Door Caroline Devulder op 28-04-2017 Sweet Sifra, Your birth story begins on Saturday the 22nd of April 2017. At 00h40 I received a call from your mom telling me that her water broke. I was only asleep … Continued
Over 100 Reasons To Choose the Breast This World Breastfeeding Week Breastfeeding makes the African proverb “It takes a village to raise a child” all too real. The success of breastfeeding isn’t just reliant upon mom & baby, but upon … Continued
New research is strong that doulas reduce the chance of cesarean birth (or vacuum/forcep assisted birth, shorten length of labor, reduced use of pain medication, and a more positive birth experience. The newest review from the Cochrane Collective states that … Continued
Take 3 minutes to sit comfortably and consider which door you will choose when planning to birth with pleasure. Feel your connection to the earth, the floor, your breathe. Now, take 3 deep breaths and begin to feel your body … Continued
As a doula and film-maker, I’ve had the honor of attending all types of births, in all different locations – hospital, homebirth, and birth center births. Each birth is unique, each mother/father/partner/family, each care provider, each location. While homebirth is … Continued