Ep. 93 - How To Have A Lot More Wow And A Lot Less Ow In Labor with Rachel Yellin

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: Are you ready for a fun and information packed episode on how to have a lot more wow, and a lot less out in labor? I sure am. Hi, I’m Debra Pascali-Bonaro, Founder and Director of Orgasmic Birth, and host of the Orgasmic Birth Podcast. I am so excited. 

My guest today is Rachel Yellin, and Rachel is an alternative therapist, a coach, a childbirth educator and yoga teacher who specializes in nervous system rewiring pleasure training, trauma, healing and depth hypnosis for over 20 years. Rachael has attended hundreds of births. She helped thousands of women have satisfying and empowering births, and she believes that the way a baby comes into the world really matters. After all, it’s their first impression of life. Her job is to help you feel totally confident and ready for birth along with providing the education you need to make informed choices, which support your baby’s peaceful and intuitive transition. Rachel has an enormous passion for helping people access their innate wisdom and power so she has developed classes and audios that put the mom into relaxed states of focus concentration, reprogram the subconscious mind and teach the optimal physiologic responses needed to feel fully supported, control of her body and the birthing process. This is done with a lot of humor stories, science facts and sweet partner connections. Think of Rachel, and I love this as your fairy birthing godmother supporting you through all the uncertainty, keeping you relaxed and excited to meet your baby. So I know everyone, as you get to meet Rachel now, you’re gonna love her as much as I do. 

Welcome, Rachel. Thank you for joining us.

Rachel Yellin: I’m so happy to be here and have fun hearing my own bio. I think, oh, I want to meet Rachel.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: That’s for sure. You are amazing. I do have to say, I’ve been following you for a long time. We’ve had other points of collaboration, so it’s really special that all our listeners can now benefit from all your wisdom.

Rachel Yellin: Thank you. Thank you so much.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: I always love to ask, because I know for most of us, if we get into professionally working with birth as part of our career, it often begins with their own birth. Would you share a little bit about your personal journey with birth?

Rachel Yellin: I would love to. So this is always an interesting question, and I want to give a disclaimer when people say to me, oh, you’re a birth worker. You must love babies, and you must love birth. And I think to myself, well, that’s not really the part that I love. The part that I love, I know it’s a funny thing, but finding love is transformational, the transition, the opportunity to be born again. And that’s what I love about birth. It is. Yes, the babies being born. But really, it’s the mom, it’s the parents journey into being born again. That’s what I love about it. So for me, my own birth, I’m the youngest of four daughters. I was a scheduled Cesarean. My mom in 1968 and 69, she had two natural births, which was pretty unheard of. She had to fight to get my dad in the room, and she was a huge advocate of natural birth. And then my third sister ended up being an urgent cesarean when my father was serving in Korea. 

And so in 1972 when I came along, it was necessary, and there was no question that my mom didn’t think to ask. And I didn’t think too much about the way in which I was born until after I actually started doing birth work myself. I didn’t spend a lot of time on it. And then as I started to attend birth and I saw what was happening, my own experience, the button was pushed. And then deep exploration began. And this is when I was about 30 years old. This is more than 20 years ago. And the realization of what I had experienced in my own birth, in terms of not having enough notice that I was going to be taken out, the spontaneity being taken away from my mom, the experience of separation, I clearly needed a lot of healing around that I realized the impact of my own birth experience on my life and my choices. How I’m ready or not ready for things, and how I’m connected with people or not connected with people, whether I feel safe in the world or not safe in the world. So I really dove into a lot of perinatal psychology work and rebirth, and did a lot of healing work for myself, which made an enormous difference on my understanding of just how important it is that parents provide a conscious experience for their baby’s birth. Even if the baby needs to be born by a scheduled Cesarean for medical reasons for safety, that can be done consciously with preparation, and preparation to any birth became the primary point of focus in all of the work that I do. 

I can teach on and on, and I can give information and information. But my thing, which is that we didn’t say this is that my company is yestobirth.com, Y-E-S-T-O birth. Because that’s what we have to do. we have to just say, Yes. We have to say yes over and over again. So it’s the preparation that really became like the Hallmark that you can have. Your baby can be born anyway. And if you are prepared, if you are practiced, it’s going to be okay, and your baby is going to have a better experience. So my own birth really brought up a lot. I love to, in my private practice, I was an alternative therapist and still am for a long time and doing a lot of work to discover how a person’s own birth influences the way in which they’re meeting whatever is on the horizon with giving birth to their own child.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: Yeah. Wow, what a powerful journey. So insightful. One that you knew your own coming into the world, your own birth, and then was able to take the time to really process and heal. And that brings to you today. What do you see as your job today? How would you explain what you’re offering?

Rachel Yellin: This is the big question. Listeners can’t see the smile on my face, or even see the smile on my face. Because what happens inside when you ask that question is a feeling starts to stir in my body. And that really is what my job is, to help people reconnect with their own body. When a birth or when a woman is connected to her own or their own body, it gives them all of the signals that they need to listen to their baby, to listen to their natural instincts, to trust on a deeper level. So my work is a combination of providing information, education, instruction and practice. But moreover, it’s about embodiment. How do you increase your neuroception, your proprioception? How do you increase the felt sense in your body that allows you to know whether to listen to the urge to stand, to listen to the urge to lay down, to listen to the call, the inner voice of your baby or what you imagined to be your baby. It doesn’t really matter which it is. How do we really listen and go towards the wisdom of the body through preparation and practice? That’s really how I see my job. To create peace and love. I’m a peacemaker to the nth degree. Some would say, if you know the enneagram to the ninth degree, and that’s really what my heart is. Compassionate, loving, peaceful, gentle, stimulating turned on at birth.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: Yeah, I love those words. And yes, for those that are listening, you might want to jump over to YouTube because you can see your smile and your heart just exuding this wisdom that you hold. And with that, you also talk about how you do what you do about helping people to downright, relate the nervous system, to align with instinctual birth. Can you explain what you mean by that, or how you help people achieve that?

Rachel Yellin: Yeah, this is like the juiciest of topics. So Debra, you teach all the time. Everything that you and I do, it’s so intertwined. In order for a person to give birth in the safest, most gentle, in the most efficient way, the nervous system needs to be running in the parasympathetic mode, which is the opposite of where we are most of the time with the pressures of society. The fight or flight response is constant stimulation. So we need to practice ways to down regulate. Meaning, to destress the nervous system, to de stress the nervous system so that the nervous system can really function like an animal. A wild animal giving birth functions. The wild animal isn’t getting any instruction on what to do to have the baby. They go into a dark quiet place. They go into a protected place, either surrounded by their mates, their cohort, their tribe, or in solitude. And with a downregulated nervous system, they get quiet, they go inward, and they rescue themselves. Now, women are different. We have different parts of our brain that are activated. The animals don’t have any. We can use our brain, and we can use our own body’s mechanisms to activate the parasympathetic nervous system. 

So there are several different techniques that I love to teach. And then I’ll offer here that are really simple to do, and that are part of just a simple practice. It’s funny, I’m stuttering for a second because I’m just in this moment remembering that I taught a masterclass probably about six months ago called Making Peace in Your Body. And it was one hour teaching about how to down regulate your nervous system and six tools to destress yourself. I didn’t teach it in the context of birth, but I want to see if I can make it available. Even if people reach out to me. If they’re listening to this and you reach out to me and say, can I get your masterclass on that for free lecture? I’ll send it to you. No problem. You can just reach me through yestobirth.com. 

So needless to say, there are several tools that I teach. There are six tools in that masterclass. And then also in my childbirth education program, there’s a bunch of tools there. But to share with you right here, those are doing simple diaphragmatic breathing. Practicing diaphragmatic breathing or another breathing technique, which is like the 2X breathing where you are inhaling and then exhaling for twice as long as you inhale. So diaphragmatic breathing is just allowing the belly breathing. So another way to say it, relaxing the body. If we’re just sitting here and we have back support, you can just even lean back in your chair here. If you are driving, you can do this while you’re driving. It’s harder to do when you’re on a walk. Because when you’re walking, your arms, your legs, your abdominal muscles are working in a different way, and your oxygen is being distributed differently. So practicing diaphragmatic breathing, it’s great done on the toilet, in the bathtub. Leaning over your birth ball, curled up on your side in your bed. These are all wonderful places to do this where you’re relaxing your limbs completely, and you’re just focusing on the space that is just below the ciphered process, which is the bottom of the sternum bone. And what you’re doing is you’re just allowing the air to naturally come into your lungs, letting your belly expand as the diaphragm drops down. And then as the diaphragm releases, you’re not sucking in, you’re just relaxing even more. 

So think of a balloon inside the belly where as you inhale, the balloon gently inflates. And as you exhale, that balloon gently deflates. That alone is so healing. It stimulates the biggest lymph node in the body. It helps lymph fluid move through the system, which is really important during pregnancy and birth itself. The diaphragmatic breathing will also calm the brain as you then start to lengthen your exhalation. So the 2X breathing that I was talking about is just breathing in for a count of two through your nose and then breathing out through your mouth through a count 4. So you breathe in, one, two, and then through pursed lips. And you can lengthen that to an inhale of three and an exhale of six, and an inhale of four, and exhale of eight. Very simple. The lengthened exhalation is telling the parasympathetic nervous system, hey, we need you. That’s what it’s doing. It’s said, I’m a little stressed. I’m a little anxious. But if I lengthen the exhalation, there’s a signal to the brain that says, I’m safe. I’m okay. It’s okay to relax. Whatever just happened, I’m letting it go. And I’m returning home to the safe place inside myself. The safest places inside of me. The most loving places inside of me. I don’t need all these other people, I know what to do. My baby knows what to do. I have my breath no matter where I am, whether I’m in the car, whether I’m in the elevator, at the hospital, whether I’m in the operating room, whether I am on the sidewalk, wherever I have my breath. Because we know that babies decide where they’re going to be born. Sometimes, a surprise. And we always have our breath no matter how many people are saying do this, do that or go here. 

If the birther is connected to her own breathing too, they’re going to signal to the baby, everything is okay. All as well. So diaphragmatic breathing, 2X breathing, essential, crucial imperative, you must practice because it will be the anchor. Some call it an anchor. Don’t call it an anchor, because we don’t want to be tethered. Some people say it’s the North Star or the guide like Paul or whatever you want to call it. Find your language. That is the gateway. That’s the gateway to relax. Gentle, easy birthing. So let me pause there before I move into any others and see how we’re doing.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: Okay, we’re good. And that leads right to Rachel, you kind of set it at the end, you and I both know and many listeners out there, people think, oh, I’m just gonna cram for birth. I’m really busy the week before we’re gonna set aside time. Why is that not a good idea, and we need to practice.

Rachel Yellin: We must practice. I want to acknowledge just before I answer this, I talked about six different techniques to downright regulate the nervous system, and I really only talked about one of them in terms of the breadth. So if we have time, I can come back to that. I just don’t want listeners to be like, wait a minute, I had my cheat sheet and I was gonna write all them down. Let me just tell you what they are.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: That sounds perfect.

Rachel Yellin: Okay, so we have number one, your breathing diaphragmatic and 2X breathing. The second is what’s called vagus nerve activation with sounding. So you don’t even have to know what the vagus nerve is. We don’t even have to get into that. You can look it up. You can Google it. Vagus nerve, V-A-G-U-S, not like Las Vegas, but V-A-G-U-S. You’re sounding and working inside of your throat with your vocal cords will activate this nerve in your body, which is responsible for some of the key pieces to nervous system regulation. So sounding is key. Something called compassion holds. Meaning, holding your own body in different places with an experience of compassion. Think about a parent holding their newborn with one hand behind the base of the skull, and one hand around the sacrum or the tailbone. That’s a compassion bolt. We have different places on our body that we can hold that activate an experience of safety, calm compassion. Another one which Debra, you talk about all the time is working with the erogenous zones, the pleasure zones on the body, different places on the body. Just putting your finger behind your ear and stroking behind your ear, tickling the inside of your wrist, stroking the back of your knee. These are not even like the sexual places on the body. Nevermind the breasts, the areola, the nipples, but other places in the body that are our erogenous zones, sensual zones to activate the pleasure centers.

We also have a practice called pendulum motion, which basically means that if you think about a pendulum swinging side to side. You’re swinging between different types of experiences, like I’m paying attention to the sensation in my body. And now, I’m paying attention to the clock on the wall. I’m swinging. There’s kind of like an eight second rhythm that moves through the nervous system in the cerebral spinal fluid. So for example, in labor, a pendulum at experience might be during the surge, during the contraction. I’m deeply deeply focusing on the sensation in my cervix, or in my vagina, or in my lower back. And then when the surge is over, I’m going to switch my attention to the clock on the wall or the music that is playing. And this really helps the nervous system to stay within a particular flow. Lastly, one of the other techniques that I love to teach is tapping the otherwise known as EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. And tapping is an incredible, fast, easy effective way to clear what needs to be clear. And to activate the parasympathetic response. So these are the false six ways.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: I’m so glad that you listed those six. And people, those will be in the show notes that you can jump over and see them there as well. And that leads beautifully, because I know you have a great free giveaway. But also, it really comes back to where we started your title that I love, More Wow, And Less Ow. You’ve put together some top techniques that people can use to prepare for More Wow. Would you like to share some of them and also how people can access that free offering?

Rachel Yellin: I want to give you just a little backstory, which is many, many years ago. One of my Doula friends was telling me about a birth that she went to. And she said the mom just kept saying, oh, and so this doula had taken one of my courses. And she said, in that moment, realized that that was not the right thing to say. So she said to the mom, is there something you could say that would make you really want to have this baby? And the mom paused just for a split second, and she was going ow, ow. Wow, wow. And it changed her entire experience. So I honor the woman who came up with that. This beautiful circle of the doula saying it, and the doula remembering what I was teaching about the importance of language and the importance of what we’re saying that helps us. Some things that we say will help us go towards our baby being born. And some things we say will make it harder and make us resist. So that was how that came about, which of course, leads me to this. I have this free program on my website. There’s a free audio track called Relaxing Into Pregnancy, which is wonderful, it’s maybe a nine minute audio track to adjust, as the title would suggest, help you relax into pregnancy. And then every day for 11 days, you’ll get a new technique on how to have more wow and less ow. So there’s a video and a practice that goes along with it. And some of the techniques are, or some of the ways to do this are as we talked about to learn to breathe, how to change your mindset, how to focus completely on your baby, how to treat your vulva and vagina like a magical queen.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: I love that one. So good.

Rachel Yellin: It’s so good. Supporting your baby to get optimally positioned in the contrast between, you have to act like you’re in control. That’s one technique. And you also need to become a wild animal in labor. So I talk about all these different things. There’s a few things, there is a bonus technique, which I will not give as a spoiler, but it aligns perfectly with orgasmic birth. So these are all available to you. If you go to yestobirth.com and you just scroll down a tiny little bit, put in your name, you’ll get the audio track immediately. And the first video about changing your mind and your mindset around birth, you’ll get that. Then you’ll get one a day for 11 days.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: It’s a fantastic gift, because I’m in it right now and just really enjoying that your information is so usable, accessible, and it just takes a few minutes each day. And it is about taking that time as you do so well to shift our mindset and really prepare for birth. So for all those people that are listening out there, you’ve given them tons of nuggets, whether they’re doulas, or might be pregnant, or a partner listening. Is there any last tip you’d like to leave everyone with that is preparing for birth?

Rachel Yellin: Yeah. I want to come back to the question that you asked about the importance of practice. Not thinking that you can cram for birth, practicing allows you to integrate. So you’re learning, you’re taking a childbirth class, you’re taking the orgasmic birth classes, you’re taking the Yes to Birth classes. You’re taking whatever classes you’re taking, you learn all of this. But when you’re giving birth, you’re not giving birth from your conscious mind. The hormones of labor, everything in labor changes the function of the brain, and we have to drop into the body. So practicing is truly essential for you to embody what it is that you are learning. So reading the book is great. Taking the classes is great. But it’s really the daily practice, its continuity of practice even just a few minutes a day of practicing the breathing techniques, my childbirth classes, and then I have an audio relaxation program that is like, just put it on before you go to bed. You don’t even need extra time as you’re falling asleep. The subconscious mind is taking in all of the information. So there’s so many things that you can do that will allow you to be calm and centered, and really excited to give birth. We don’t have to approach birth. We can approach birth from a really peaceful, joyful, confident place. So I emphasize practicing peace, connecting with your own body, and stimulating your own body. Really, if you feel good, if you feel good in your body, your baby’s gonna feel good in your body. So let’s do that.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: Yes to Birth, write your name, and I love it. Thank you so much, Rachel. Can you tell people, and we’ve said your website, but are there other places they can go to follow or learn more?

Rachel Yellin: There’s a Yes to Birth Instagram, Yes to Birth Facebook, and there’s a Yes to Birth YouTube. And these are all works in progress. It’s a long story, but they’re starting again. So you can find me there. I do want to say that if you want to get the freebie, just go to Yes to Birth. And from there, if you decide that you want to get my childbirth classes or the audio relaxation program, if you use Debra and Orgasmic Birth code, you’ll get 15% off. So there’s a good savings there. You just put in the field, orgasmic birth, and that will give you 15% off of anything that you purchase. And if you need to reach out to me with your questions, you’re welcome to do so. You can do that through my website. I love hearing from you. Especially if you use something and it benefits you to share your story. We love that. It helps me be more helpful to other people, and you’re passing along the good vibes. Sharing the goodness is a win for everybody who gives birth after you, so please do share.

Debra Pascali-Bonaro: Thank you so much, Rachel. And that’s what I love everyone, so I’m asking everyone who’s listening, I hope you’ll post your favorite takeaways, what did you learn from Rachel today, and tag both of us. If you’re on social media, we always love to hear from you. We always love to feature other positive pleasurable challenging, orgasmic blissful birth stories. So if you have one and you’d like to join me on the podcast, please message us. We wish you all a pleasurable day. Thank you so much.

Rachel Yellin: Thank you so much for having me.