Ep. 91 - 5 Pillars of Pleasure with Lovisa Dahl

Connect with Lovisa!

www.instagram.com/sacredmumlove

www.sacredcommunication.org

Episode Transcript

Debra Pascali Bonaro: Hi, I’m Debra Pascali-Bonaro, Founder and Director of Orgasmic Birth, and host of the Orgasmic Birth Podcast. 

My guest today, Lovisa Dahl, has her heart on fire. I’ve had an opportunity to get to know her as she’s in her Orgasmic Birth Practitioner Program. And not only is her heart on fire, but she’s doing incredible work to help women to create the orgasmic living and birth that they desire. She really has knowledge about feminine embodiment, sacred sexuality, biodynamic healing, meditation, yoga, and Vedic ritual. Lovisa’s life has been her studies of Advaita Vedanta, and you’re gonna have to correct me on this Lovisa.

Lovisa Dahl: Advaita Vedanta, one without the second. So it’s the vision of non duality of oneness, we can say.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: That’s so beautiful. And I love that you write the knowledge of yourself as full and complete. And as our ready accomplished fack. Her mission is to heal earth by birth. And she is a mentor and guides moms and moms-to-be one on one through her membership Mum Love. So Lovisa, having had the chance to work with you and to hear the incredible gifts that you’re bringing out to so many, I am truly honored to have you join us today.

Lovisa Dahl: Well, thank you. I’m so happy to be here. So honored to be here.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: I know you’ve had an amazing journey because you have three children, three births. I always love to have people start by taking us into that, giving us maybe a summary and some of the lessons learned that brought you to really working with so many people around pleasure and orgasmic life and birth.

Lovisa Dahl: I have three children, and I had three home births. I’ve been really fortunate to be able to give birth at home. That’s how I feel. And the two last ones were orgasmic births. And the first one was a very smooth birth. But it wasn’t orgasmic in the sense that the two second one. So I thought like today, I really want to tell the story of my newborn son. He’s three and a half months old now. I’ll give some nuggets from the other births and what I learned. Really, thank you so much to you, Debra. When I was pregnant with my first, I had somebody I knew, she had given birth, and she just recommended orgasmic birth to me. I went home, and I watched it. I always like, oh, my god. I had no idea. I really feel like it’s such an honor to be here with you today, and to be on this podcast. Because I found it so incredible. There was something that rang really true in me. But I did see it as a far away concept. Something that would probably happen to somebody else but not me. And I think that is something that so many can also relate to. That sounds cool for somebody else. But now on the other end, every woman can have a pleasurable and orgasmic birth. It has to do with the birth setting, and has a lot to do with your preparation. And one thing that I thought was so difficult with that first pregnancy was that I didn’t know how to prepare. I had some books, and I was looking for something, and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I did find it in your movie. And also, I later got the book also. But the truth is that birth is really so deeply connected with your sexuality. Well, I’ll bring you forward. So I have that first home birth. And then for the second, if I didn’t know at all how to prepare for the first. For the second one, I’m preparing. So I felt like I knew exactly how I was gonna prepare because I understood that, okay, I’m birthing through my body embodiment. I have five pillars that I find so important, and that I also teach. So embodiment is the first one to really inhabit your body, because it’s through your body you’re going to birth. So embodiment. And the second one, it’s a pleasure. And for my second pregnancy, I was laying in my bathtub every night for a couple of months. And also lots of like self pleasuring, bringing in pleasure in all kinds of ways.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: That’s beautiful.

Lovisa Dahl: Yeah. It is. He came super fast. The midwives, they didn’t arrive on time. They came for the placenta. But it was all so fun. I felt in my power, it was perfect. And it was an ecstatic experience. Like being a firework. Just absolutely amazing, mind blowing. And I felt so strong, I’ve got this. There was no question about it.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: Isn’t that amazing how birth can do that for you? Because hearing you say that, a lot of people are shy to say that, right? That they really feel so powerful and can feel they’re the embodiment, their body, the pleasure, the ecstasy. So just hearing you say that kind of gives me an oxytocin rush knowing that that is possible for everyone.

Lovisa Dahl: I think it’s so important to say it, and I was actually shy to talk about that after that birth. I did say it to some close ones, but I didn’t really go shout it from my mouth. And as I’m doing now, I had to have another experience to get the balls. Really, not only that moment of ecstasy, but also how that impacts one afterwards. It was such a healing birth.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: So you were saying how ecstatic the experience was the second time around. Do you think there was something you did differently? Or how did your preparation that time bring you there?

Lovisa Dahl: I was preparing so much more. I brought in the embodiment really inhabiting my body. And also the pleasure, as I said, and also relaxation. That’s like the third one of those five pillars, relaxation, to really bring yourself often during pregnancy, as often as you can bring yourself into a relaxed state. So you can really also sink into the rhythm of birth, because it has its own. And when we relax in preparation for that, we’re much more likely to be able to fall into and surrender to it. And surrender is also a really important thing. We can practice it. It’s a little more difficult, but we can practice it when we have sex. How much can I receive and just let myself receive. Or also, if something is challenging in life, we can also surrender to the fact that I cannot do anything about this. So there’s the spiritual dimension to surrender. It has nothing to do with giving up. It’s more like I allow everything to be as is. I can just trust. It’s a lot about trust. And I think you need to bring trust into your birth. It’s very important. And also the fifth one could be visualized. Visualize how you want your birth to be. Where do you see yourself? How do you see yourself? What do you want your partner to do? And that’s also a really big one. I’ve been so fortunate to have my husband accompany me because we’ve had very deep conversations. Also beforehand for my second birth, I had a list. It was a long time that I wanted. Things that I wanted him to do for the birth setting, and what he could do during the birth. Really specific. And actually, he just got through the first things making the smoothie and covering the windows. And then somewhere there, I was like, you gotta come now cause the baby is arriving. So it didn’t make it through the list, but it’s very important to have that communication if you are accompanied by a birth partner.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: Yes. So important. So take us now to the journey of birth. I love that each birth kind of brought you deeper and taught you things. So now, you have put together your five pillars. You had this magical, ecstatic, powerful birth. When you found out that you were pregnant again, what was that like? What was that journey like?

Lovisa Dahl: I really, really prepared and explored. I’ve been exploring my pleasure, and also expanding my pleasure a lot during this pregnancy. And I think that that’s definitely a big part of how it went as it did. But I’ll tell the birth story. It started at night at like 9:00 PM, we had put the kids to bed. It started by the water breaking. I went out to the garden to pick some flowers, put them on the altar, and light the candles. I had this specific birth altar also with your book on it because I was very much invoking on orgasmic birth. And my husband said, you asked if you should call the midwives? And I was like, I knew that this was gonna be a fast birth. The waves that, I say wave since that are contractions, were so powerful from the beginning so it didn’t build up so much. It’s just all straightaway. But I said no, no. Don’t call them because I have this intuition that I wanted them to arrive for the placenta. I don’t know how that sounds, but that was how it was. My intuition was super strong. For the birth, they don’t have to be here. But for the placenta, they can come. My husband, he obeyed. He didn’t call them. But the very funny part of the birth where I had to go to the bathroom, and I think it’s really freeing. I want to bring this element in because there are so many women that are afraid that they will poop themselves. Sometimes that happens. It didn’t happen in my first birth. In the second, in the third? Yes. 

So I was sitting on the toilet and my husband was massaging my shoulders with lavender oil. And there’s merging poo and lavender. I was just laughing in between the waves because birth is a magnificent experience. It brings everything to the table. And this birth was so raw, and so surreal, so mundane. And we went back to the bedroom and talked about nipple stimulation. So he was like touching my breasts, and we had this really deep communication. I felt like I didn’t have to say that much. He just listened to my body, also. I’m gonna give birth very soon. He’s soon here. I also used clitoral stimulation, and I hadn’t done that in the previous birth. Maybe because my mother in law and my daughter were there, actually. But here, I was just asked, and I was touching myself and really feeling how that gave relief. I don’t really think that the waves are, I don’t really like to call them painful because I think intensity is a better word. I’ve had pain when I’ve hurt myself. But it’s intense, it’s intense. And if we allow that intensity to just glow through our body and just surrender to it, allowing it, knowing that this is helping me birth this baby, it’s the force of nature and just let it flow through me, and I will be beautiful. I was getting so fast. So fast that with each wave, I open so much so quickly. 

There were candles, the sexual patch and dim lights. It was so beautiful. My husband was behind me and he was like changing the towel. It was really real. This birth is so real. And then I was like, I don’t give a shit about that. So he was pressing on my hips for like, so I felt him when he was descending, I had an orgasm. A physical orgasm. I had that ecstatic experience. But in this birth, it was a physical orgasm. I think it was like a combination between a cervical and Goddess spot orgasm. That’s how I experienced it. Such a beautiful experience. And then my body just started to push him out. And that feeling when the body just takes over, I just get to step aside here. And the body just does it. It’s really beautiful. And at the crowning, I had given birth to babies before, and this was different. I knew this was fun. His head felt so big. I had this moment of deep fear. Really deep fear. I had to completely surrender. And this is the largest, biggest, most spectacular surrender I’ve ever experienced. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Maybe I will tear up. I don’t know, but I surrender to the fact that I am birthing this baby now. I was like throwing my head on the bed, but I was like on all fours in front of the bed. Going into this kind of like primal tracy’s state, just letting go of everything, shaking my ego whatever’s left of my ego here, just shaking it off. I gave birth to him. And when he came into the world, I had a second orgasm. What I knew was like a female ejaculation. And that liquid in Sanskrit is called Amrita. Amrita is the nectar of God. And I think it’s so beautiful. At his birth, he was welcomed with the Nectar of God. That was how he came into the world.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: So beautiful. Wow. Yeah, truly it leaves me without words because we can feel the sacred environment that you and your husband created. The trust, the surrender, the words that you use, and to see that orgasm, that birthgasm in the sacredness way to welcome your baby in such a beautiful Nectar of God. Just beautiful words.

Lovisa Dahl: Yeah. It is really, really incredible. And then the midwives arrived shortly thereafter. At some point, they had said, now you can call them. And they came for the placenta exactly as I wanted. And you know what? He felt so big right at the crown. He felt so big. I didn’t know because I didn’t see, but my husband told me that he was Superman. He came with his first burst. You noticed, I had an arm and a head. That way, it was so big. And I had to hold all of that. And my midwife actually said afterwards that she thinks that if I wouldn’t have had the orgasms, the birthgasm, it’s very likely that I would have teared. Because when that happens, when the arm is first, it’s probable that you’d tear. And I didn’t tear at all. I’m sure that this is because I was so lubricated. That also makes me even more like we got to talk about this. It’s so important. I’m left speechless, actually.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: Wow. I’m so glad you’re talking about it. Because so many people that experience such pleasure, especially including birth orgasm, don’t say anything. We get kind of shy to talk about that, with all that everyone thinks about in birth. But I’m so glad you’re midwives honored to, not only are you juicy because you’re secreting more like lubricant that’s helping the baby to literally slide into the world. But the tissues bring engorgement when we orgasm. And that way too. And that does help the tissues to stretch. So even the clitoral stimulation, nipple stimulation, and other ways that you were bringing pleasure into the body earlier were also really preparing your body to bring that extra circulation, lubrication and ease to birth. So beautiful.

Lovisa Dahl: First of all, I really think that we also have to define what is orgasmic. I have this idea that it has to involve a birthgasm when it really doesn’t have to. Of course not. My second birth was super ecstatic. That was an orgasm, the whole thing. As you’re preparing for birth, bringing in pleasure, like sexual, but also sensual pleasures. How does it feel? How do I perceive this wind on my skin? How does this flower smell? So it really is like the orgasmic nature of a woman that is really our inherit nature. That is another deep topic, but it is so much in how we essentially perceive the world. So really working with your senses, becoming more and more attuned. How does this smell? How does this taste? How do they feel about this? And listening like the bird song or the music because that is also an embodiment when we use our senses. All these are connected. Pleasure, embodiment, that’s important for the preparation. I think reading positive birth stories is also a big one. Say no to what you don’t want to hear. I was quiet even with my first birth. Somebody was wanting to tell me about their horrible birth day. I was like, nah. Tell me later, I don’t want to hear it. I know that some women also want to know everything that can happen. And if that is you, then honor that. Make sure to get the information about what can happen at birth, if that is your desire. For me, I wasn’t so interested. I loved reading good birth stories, and trusting your body. The body knows your body. Now she knows how to birth the baby. And it’s also you and the baby together. Your body and the baby together. It’s a dance. And then of course, it’s also in the external world. How can you choose where to give birth? So you feel safe, and you feel you have that privacy, that intimacy that is so important for birth. I read the numbers for, I think it’s called Pitocin in English.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: Synthetic oxytocin.

Lovisa Dahl: I read the numbers for Sweden last year, 2023. It was like 42%. Almost every second woman. And I think from this, we can draw the wisdom that like, okay, we know that this is needed for the contractive, for the waves to keep coming for the birth to progress. We know that, so why not do it the natural way? If we know this, why not do it the natural way? Hell, it’s your birth. I know that it can be intimidating to have your husband, or for the doula, or whoever touches your boobs, or yourself touching you. If you’re in a birth center or hospital, it’s maybe more intimidating than in your home. But if that is where you were, different reasons need to birth than fucking sorry. Do it, touch yourself. It’s your birth, and it’s your right. It’s your body, it’s your baby, and your right to have that birth. And then keep your doula and your partner, have them be the guards. So if somebody wants to say that you can’t, or interfere, or speak in the room, have them guard you so you don’t have to guard yourself. You just be with yourself.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: Beautiful words. Lovisa, I love that. I love your passion too. I’d love to ask you, you’re almost through to our course, Orgasmic Birth Practitioner. We’re so honored that you’ll be adding it to your own work that you’re doing. What would you say to people about the program if we have any doulas, midwives, nurses, body workers, anybody with a birth practice. What are you enjoying about the program?

Lovisa Dahl: I’m enjoying it so much. First of all, I think it’s so powerful that you have this training in the first place. Because when this spreads to the world, and to all these midwives, and doulas, and bodyworkers, imagine the impact. It’s so powerful. And what we get is really extraordinary. The library is so vast. There is so much to go through. It’s really knowledgeable professionals that come to speak about different topics. So learning about the role of the sexologist coming in and teaching how to bring more pleasure. We definitely learn how we can integrate these things in our work with pregnant women or birthing women. But it’s definitely also for ourselves. And I think these hoes so much together. I have not worked and experienced my own sensuality and sexuality, so it will be really tricky for me to invite somebody else into it. We have to go first. So all doulas, midwives out there, jump on it, and take this opportunity to really bring this awareness into the hospital, into the birth centers, into the homes. We need it.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: Thank you so much. I know that many people listening are gonna want to find you to work with you. Can you share a little bit about what you’re offering, and where people can reach you?

Lovisa Dahl: Yeah, of course. I’m on Instagram. I’m called sacred mum love. You can also go to my website, it’s sacredcommunication.org. I actually put together something for you. So the five pillars that I was talking about, you can go and grab a guide into these five pillars. Talk a little more about each one, and how you can use these pillars to really prepare yourself so you have the optimal possibility to have the birth that you want. And it also includes some practical practices that you can do throughout your pregnancy. You’re still welcome to go and grab that.

Debra Pascali Bonaro: What a great gift. I hope everybody listening will jump over. If you’re driving out and about, don’t look now. But when you have time, go back to the show notes. We will have all those links in there. Wherever you’re listening, we hope you’ll rate and review the podcast. We’d love for you to share your takeaways, your thoughts, your questions, your comments, and tag both Lovisa and Orgasmic Birth. We always love to hear from you. And again, we thank you so much for joining us for another episode of the Orgasmic Birth Podcast, and hope you’ll join us next week. Thank you so much.

Lovisa Dahl: Thank you.