I was excited to reconnect with Red Miller last fall when I was on a trip to Bali and my flight out of Singapore was cancelled due to volcanic activity. I sent messages to the two birth keepers I have come to know in Singapore – Ginny Phang, a DONA doula trainer colleague, and Red Miller (see the video Red & I made together about her pregnancy retreat), a Midwife and hypnobirthing instructor. They were both so helpful doulaing me while in Singapore. Thank you Ginny & Red! Today Red shares some of her amazing insight and wisdom.
By Red Miller, Licensed Midwife (CPM)
Make time for your relationship
After discussing with so many couples I can say without hesitating the key to maintaining connection and pleasure is creating time for the relationship. Dinner, sex, a long weekend away, a movie, having an adventure, doing something fun; make the first thing in the diary every month be your date night/day.
Getting in this habit before baby comes will make it easier to continue after the baby is here when spontaneity will have a different feel.
Communicating honestly with each other and actively sharing feelings goes a long way to creating a heartfelt connection that will carry you through those early days of parenting.
It is normal for both partners to have sensitivities and vulnerabilities that will come up during pregnancy; make time to hear each other.
Connect with your baby
The more connected we are with any process the more we will get out of it. Pregnancy is the same. Babies love to be acknowledged, talked to and thought about.
Welcome your partner to get involved in communicating with baby as well.
Try this now
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths into your belly. Slow inhales and slow exhales, with your exhalation breath relax all the muscles around your belly. Continue focusing on your breath and put your awareness on your baby, notice what position baby is in, which way is baby facing. You might feel it internally or see it like a picture.
As you continue to focus on your inhales and exhales get curious about how your baby is feeling, what quality or emotion is the baby bringing into the moment? Is she playful, sleepy, or curious?
Continue focusing on a few more cycles of breath and give her any loving messages that come to mind.
Do this exercise once a day and each time you do notice something else about your baby or the environment she is in. For example the beautiful clear water surrounding baby or whether or not she is sucking her thumb.
Clearly ‘seeing’ and feeling your baby in your minds eye is a wonderful way to connect.
Spend time everyday doing something that brings you pleasure – share this!
What is your pleasure list? What makes you feel happy, relaxed and nurtured?
– Lunch date with a friend
– A massage
– Go to yoga
– Stay in bed a bit longer
– Go for a walk in nature
– Read a book
– Play music
– Dance around the room
– Sit quietly
– Have a swim
– Take a bath
– Sit and daydream
– Go on a date
– Meet your friends
– Go for a bike ride
– Watch TV series that makes you laugh
– Keep schedule flexible a couple days a week
Pregnancy is a wonderful time to give yourself more time and space to simply enjoy life. Make a pleasure list and do something on it everyday; it doesn’t matter if it takes 5 minutes or several hours both you and your baby will benefit from the way it will make you feel.
Get in the habit of having pleasurable thoughts! Remember our mindbody connection is so strong that whatever we think about or focus on will create that state in the body. Think about your last beach holiday and feel your body melting in response to the feeling of that sunset and the breeze on your skin. Spend time actively daydreaming and focusing on pleasurable memories or experiences when you felt joy, ecstasy and pleasure.
Wishing you a pleasurable pregnancy filled with love, joy and connection!
Red Miller is a Biodynamic Midwife and Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapist. She has been living and loving in India and other parts of Asia since 2007 and now considers Singapore as home.
She is a strong advocate for woman-centered, respectful and compassionate maternity care, informed consent, and a soft gentle landing for babies!
See more of Red’s work at: